For Ever

eighteen

Many ideas of where to take Olivia ran through my mind. Then I realized that she would still be taking me out, because I don't have a car.
I hate feeling less than. Especially with her.
She has everything and more, then I have Everly and a cheap apartment.
Everly is more than enough for me.
But, when compared to Olivia's material things, I don't measure up.
She's never once complained about the apartment, which I am thankful for. It's not terrible, but it's not the best option around here.
I really just don't see what she sees in me that makes her choose me over that blonde in her office. I didn't even see her face, but she looked wealthy and put together. Also an actual adult with an actual job. She's not just some country club manager.
I looked up Olivia on Facebook. She deleted all evidence of Kristen's existence. I couldn't find a single picture of her. I went through her friends list and 2 Kristen's popped up.
Brunette Kristen Paul and blonde Kristen Scott.
Kristen Scott's profile picture was of her and Olivia.
I clicked on it and went through her page. You'd think they're still together.
So, which is it?
Was Kristen crazy? Or was Olivia hiding the fact that they are still together?
I spent the next 28 minutes going through their pictures together.
Kristen was in love with Olivia it seemed. I don't get how she would cheat if she thought of Olivia the way she portrayed. She really made it seem like a happy relationship. I went to her information tab and saw that it still says "in a relationship".
My heart tightened.
Please be crazy. Please be crazy.
Her eyes look crazy. Crazy beautiful. No no no. Just crazy. Olivia's eyes are so warm. And hers look..... like she wants me dead.
I cannot be that stupid girl. That stupid girl that believes everything someone tells her. That stupid girl that takes back anyone just so I'm not lonely.
Olivia's name popped up on my screen. FaceTime.
I took a deep breath and answered.
God, I look awful right now.
Her face appeared in the sunlight. She's glowing. She looks perfect.
"Hey B, so I'm just getting out of church. Should I just head to you?" She asked.
I felt relaxed as she spoke. Kristen has to be crazy. Olivia is here with me. She's present.
"Sure." I answered flatly.
"Is everything okay?" She asked.
"Yes of course." I shook the lack of emotion and answered more enthusiastically.
"Okay, but I know you and something is bothering you." She accused.
"It's nothing. I just— I can't shake this thing, but it's nothing." I told her.
"You want to talk about it." She pushed.
"I don't know how to." I admitted.
"It's me. You can talk to me about anything." She spoke softly.
"I—" I started.
"I'm pulling up. We'll talk." She told me.
I couldn't argue, because she hung up.
How do I tell her that I stalked her supposed ex-girlfriend? How do I tell her I don't trust her? Not completely. How do I tell her that I equally want her more than anything but also want nothing more to do with her?
There was knocking on the door.
I stood up and let her in. My body was shaking.
"What is going on?" She asked.
My mind constantly switches with how to feel about her. Earlier I trusted her, because I was with her. Now, I can't trust her, because when I'm not with her, I only see.... her.
I opened my mouth, then shut it.
I shook my head and gave her a tight lipped smile.
"Beth." She tilted her head, touching my arms.
"I found her." I blurted out.
"Found who?" She asked slowly, taking her hands back.
I tilted my head, silently begging her to not make me say it.
"I don't want to be crazy." I shook my head.
"You're not crazy." She spoke in a whisper.
I stared at her.
"You found Kristen." She nodded.
I nodded.
"Beth, listen to me." She started.
I rolled my eyes and slightly laughed, shaking my head.
"No no no, don't do that. Believe me when I tell you it's over. She has this weird, twisted fantasy that we're still together. Beth, I swear to you— I swear over my mother's life— we are not together. I am not with Kristen. I am here. You see me." Olivia maintained eye contact every second she spoke.
"Olivia—" I said.
I took a deep breath and looked into her eyes.
She watched me.
I stepped near her and carefully wrapped my arms around her shoulders.
"Please, be telling the truth." I whispered.
She wrapped her arms around me.
She pressed her hand against my head, holding me to her.
"I promise you, Beth. I have never wanted someone or two someones more than I want you and Everly. I want this. I need you." She spoke to me sternly, yet softly.
She kissed the side of my head and squeezed me harder.
She pulled away and held my face in her hands.
"Not crazy." She smiled at me.
I couldn't fight the smile that overtook my face.
I nodded in her hands.
Her hands moved down my neck, to my shoulders, then down my arms to my hands. She held my fingers.
"I'm sorry." I looked away from her.
"Don't be. I gave you a reason to doubt my loyalty. I'm sorry." She sounded honest.
I nodded.
"Mommy!" The sounds of my child broke the silence between us.
I closed my eyes and turned to head to my bedroom.
As I walked away, Olivia grabbed my hand and pulled me into her.
She kissed me deeply, her hand still holding mine. Her other hand behind my neck, her thumb on my jaw.
She smiled against my lips, then rested her forehead against mine.
I rested my hands on her sides.
She's here. She's with me.
"I—" she started to speak, but the sound of crying filled my ears.
My head snapped and I quickly entered my bedroom.
"Mama." Everly looked at me, holding her hands out.
Her face was covered with blood. Her shirt. The blankets. Her hands. Her arms. I was frozen in place.
Olivia pushed me forward as she entered and ripped Everly from the bed and into the bathroom. I heard the tub start running water.
Her nose bleeds are back. Blood vessels in her nose were not formed correctly, so a year and a half ago, we had a surgery to fix it. It was the scariest time of my life.
No mother should have to see her child unconscious or their faces bandaged up.
"Mommy!" Everly called for me.
I snapped out of it and rushed into the bathroom. I climbed into the tub without hesitation. I grabbed a wash cloth and squeezed her nostrils closed. She moved into my lap, completely soaking me with water.
I held Everly to me and looked for Olivia.
She kneeled next to the tub and handed me a baggie of ice cubes. I placed it on her nose.
"Help me get the clothes off of her." I requested.
Olivia nodded and pulled Everly's shirt up, helped her free her arms, then carefully over her head and let it fall on my arm. I switched hands to let the shirt drop, then readjusted her in my lap.
Everly leaned against me and I checked the cloth. I moved it around and found that the bleeding had stopped. I rinsed the cloth wiped her again, cleaning the blood from around her mouth and nose.
It had stopped.
I let a sigh of relief out and wiped the rest of her skin.
"Does that happen a lot?" Olivia asked quietly.
"It used to. She had a correctional surgery when she was two." I explained.
"Surgery?" She sounded worried.
"Uh— yeah, there were a couple blood vessels in her nose that weren't formed correctly, so they just went in and fixed them." I told her.
Everly smiled at Olivia.
"I had the same thing when I was little." I told her.
"Learn something new everyday." She slightly smiled at me.
I scrunched my eyebrows at her, then flashed a soft smile.
I got Everly cleaned up and watching a movie in the living room. I turned to Olivia and tilted my head.
"You okay?" I asked.
She nodded and gently touched my cheek.
"Olivia." I deadpanned.
"It was just this weird feeling— like I don't know you or Ev." She half-smiled.
"You do. That was just a little part of the past. I don't like bringing up the past much— because he was still in the picture at that point. Which I am grateful for, because he paid for her surgery. That time is not something I want to relive or have Everly remember either." I told her.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize." She closed her eyes.
"No no, you're fine." I told her. I placed my hands on her shoulders.
She was still in her head.
We sat on the couch, my legs draped over hers. Her arms over my legs, her fingers lightly tracing shapes into my skin.
I stared at her for a while before she finally looked at me and smiled.
I smiled back at her, then leaned forward and quickly kissed her.
I kept my head close to her for a second, before pulling back and biting my lip.
"I'm sorry we didn't end up going out to dinner." I frowned at her.
"I understand. You know how much I love that kid though, so don't apologize." She smiled at me.
My heart tightened in my chest. I really like her. I love her.
I kissed her again, then grabbed her hand and played with her fingers.
I smiled at her.
It's back to normal.
I looked back at Everly who was staring, open mouthed at the movie.
"How often do you need to— um— have sex?" I asked Olivia quietly.
"Hm? What? No— I don't need to— have sex." She looked at me confused.
"Okay, but I know you do." I said.
She swallowed, then looked down.
"Beth, I don't need anything to be forced. I don't know why I let that happen, but I am satisfied with you. Sure, sex is a major play with you— but I am completely happy just like this too." She said slightly louder than we had previously been talking.
"But— you want it." I nodded.
"Well, yeah. Who doesn't?" She turned it around.
"I want to be the one who you go to for that." I said shyly.
She grabbed my head and pulled me towards her, then kissed the top of my head.
"You are." She looked into my eyes.
I stared at her sadly.
I nodded.
Her hand slid down my back and then back up my leg to its original position.
I want her right now.
I can't just leave Everly alone though. I need to watch her nose.
Just as if she was reading my mind, Anna walked in.
I jumped up and asked her, "Can you keep an eye on Everly for a second? Her nose bled pretty bad just a little bit ago— just—"
She nodded, wearing a confused look.
I grabbed Olivia's hand and led her to the room. I locked the door and turned back to her.
She shot me a smug smirk.
I attached our lips and laid her on the bed. I was on top of her, my leg pressed between hers.
I sat up and turned the Bluetooth speaker on, then played music.
I didn't want Everly to hear anything that was about to happen in this room.