Für Immer Meins ((BlitzwingxFTM!Reader))

Misery

NOTE:

None of the events in this story are real. It is fictitious and I in no way am willing it to happen to those mentioned in this story.
                                    -W.A-C

((NOTE: This chapter is a bit triggering and has alot of misgendering and overall parental discomfort. You CAN skip this chapter if it gets too real or upsetting.
I love you all, you are valid, and stay strong. ❤))
                          

                           Vier

((D/N = dad's name, B/N= Brother's name, ect))

You were devastated and worried for the next few days.
You didn't hear anything from anyone about Icy, and you were beginning to think you never would.

In the mean time, your "father" came home and you were forced to be around him.
He barely spoke to you, chosing to fawn over his "little boy" and loudly going on about how proud he was of him.

Your mom would purposefully deadname you as firmly as possible and call you she and her as often as she could squeeze it into a sentence.

You were so used to it that you almost didn't hear it anymore.
But somewhere deep inside, it hurt. Alot.

Tonight, you were stuck at dinner with them all, and you just knew it would be hell.

"So how are your grades, b/n?" Your father asked, taking a drink from his beer bottle.

"They're good!" Your brother replied, shovelling a mouthful of mashed potatoes into his mouth.
You stared at your plate, chest tightening as you felt eyes on you.

"And what about you, (deadname)? Planning on doing something with yourself yet?"
Before you could answer, your mother did.
"Oh, no, she just runs to her room and avoids the family. As usual."

"Not much has changed then, huh.
You know, (deadname), you used to be such a joy when you were younger. So sweet. You did so many things that were so good for you and made us feel like such accomplished parents.

But now, what with this whole 'boy' thing or whatever," your dad paused as he took a drink, "we feel like we're bad parents.
Do you know how that makes us feel?"

You stared at your food, throat closing and face heating up.
You hated this.
There was NOTHING you could do.
"Nope," you mumbled, trying to force a mouthful of meatloaf into your mouth.

"It's very bad. And it's unfair that you're making choices that make us feel this way. We've worked so hard to raise you properly. To make you our perfect little girl.

And instead it's not enough.
And so you want to be...what, a boy?" He scoffed.

You felt tears burning your eyes and fought back the urge to just throw your drink in his face and run away.
You found yourself thinking The decepticons would never treat me this way.

You just wanted to go to your room. To hide from this.
It was getting so hard to live like this. You couldn't deal with much more. Icy had been a change in your life, but you doubted you'd ever hear about him ever again.

You were all alone once again.
And it was the most terrifying feeling in the whole world.

For the rest of dinner, you just responded with short "yep" "nope" "yup" answers, praying it would all be over soon and you could leave.
When dinner was over, your parents decided to make you clean up.

"It'll give her some responsibility. And make sure she keeps up her job as a good woman does," your dad said in a disgustingly cheerful tone. Your mom laughed in agreement and added: "Yes, like the woman that she is."

You kept your back to them, gripping the dishes tightly as you set them in the hot soapy water in the sink.

***

You finally got to your room and flopped on your bed, letting the tears come.
They welled up and spilled down your face as you held your pillow.

This life was so miserable.
You hated it.
You wanted your Icy back.
You wanted to be saved. Free.
To escape.

After awhile you sat by your window, letting the cool late summer breeze blow on your face and listening to the cicadas and crickets chirp.

You needed this to be over.