Desired

7. Panicked

I'm standing in the medical room in front of Fara and Carlos, who both had a career in the medical field before Virulence ended their careers, futures and previous way of life.

Fara is talking to me but the words aren't able to get through the loud roaring in my ears. I focus on the needle in her hand. She is not going near me with that. She is not going near me with any of the instruments spread around this room.

Wiping my palms on my trousers for the hundredth time, I look around for an escape.

I'm going to run.

I'll try to overcome my fear of touch tomorrow. Or possibly, the day after. More likely, the day after that.

Carlos frowns as he steps a little closer and says slowly. 'Kit, we're going to take a blood sample first.'

Why do they need a blood sample? Can they find out I have an altered immune system from the tests they do? Will they want to test me further when they find out? Then again, would they need too if they're already resistant? What damage has occurred in my body due to being infected with Virulence?

Someone touches my shoulder, and I jump backwards. I shake my head. My mouth is moving however no sound comes out. My lungs won't expand properly, and I'm struggling to inhale enough oxygen.

Why is the room closing in? Walls shouldn't be able to move.

'You'll hardly feel it. We'll only take a tiny amount,' Fara says, approaching me with her hands outstretched and the needle pointing at me with its sharp edge.

I can't do any of this. I can't give a sample. I can't deal with the physical contact. It's all too much.

'Don't touch me. Please. I can't breathe,' I gasp.

I really can't breathe. Bending over, I try to inhale deeply except my body won't comply. My heart is going crazy. My lungs are screaming in protest as the room spins. I'm suffocating.

'Calm down, Kit. Take deep breathes. You're having a panic attack,' Fara says as she glances at Carlos. Both of them stop mid-step and don't come any closer. Her voice softens, 'close your eyes and take deep breaths, in and out through your mouth. Breathe in for a count of four and out for a count of four.'

Fara starts to count. I focus on my breathing, focus on the fact they aren't getting any closer. They're a perfectly safe distance away. The dizziness fades, my chest loosens and air starts to flow more easily.

'Let's do the examination another time. You're probably tired and stressed. There's no need to increase the pressure you're already under,' Fara says softly.

I notice the concerned look she directs at Carlos and Bo. They think I'm crazy. I think I'm crazy.

'We'll give you some space. Bo will wait outside the door. Once you're feeling calmer, he'll take you to lunch.'

I nod, wondering if I'll ever feel calmer while being around people who aren't Zach.

Walking along the hallway I feel like a failure. My body is exhausted, and I'm still shaky from my reaction earlier. Zach was wrong.

I haven't changed. 

'How many were there in your group?' Bo asks as we walk along the hallway.

Thankfully the hallway is empty so I don't have to worry about avoiding people around me. Bo maintains a good distance away from me which I'm sure he's doing on purpose.

'Around a hundred.'

Bo makes a sound of surprise. 'And you left all those people to wander alone with Zach?'