she's mine.

34

"Jon, please talk to me." I begged Jonny to talk to me for the fifth time.

We sat in the car in silence for a too long. Lea came out to tell us they were headed for the drive in and to follow if we still wanted to go, which we did- but apparently only to sit in silence there too.

I finally tried apologizing- we are both too stubborn that i knew one of us had to give- even though i didn't think it was okay for him to cause a scene like that. He should know better, he's supposed to be older and more mature. But then again, that temper is what pays half our bills.

"I told him we could only be friends but I don't know how you expect me to not be around him at all when first of all he's the one who has to get me out of this mess, second- we have the same friends."

He stared straight forward not responding. He was considering his options right now, I could tell.

As was I.

I used his silence to think about what all of this meant.

How could I be just friends with someone like Eli? Is that what he actually wanted? Maybe I was just a burden. I had been a burden to everyone so it wouldn't surprise me. Everyone always having to protect me and take care of me. I hated it. I wished I was stronger, less emotional. I knew they were not only worried about my physical safety, but my family knew I was too emotional for my own good.

Don't get me wrong, I was happy, and when I was happy I was on cloud nine, but when i'm not.. It's the end of the world.

I knew in the back of my mind that Jonny was worried about the "what if" factor of Eli and I as well. What if we do date? What if he breaks my heart? How will he fix me?

It had taken everything in me to get over my father, I couldn't even imagine losing another man that made me feel safe or was such a big part of my world. I relied on Jonny, would I rely on Eli too?

Would Eli be able to handle all the baggage I came from?

Maybe that's why he suggested the "friend zone", maybe I was just another girl for him, another conquest. A part of me didn't want to believe it, but then again he had said the words himself. He had told me that that was all he was looking for.

He may have apologized, but that didn't take the words out of my head.

"I was just looking for a good time. Oh wait, i forgot- you've never even been kissed."

Also, the fact that he used my inexperience against me hurt. I never thought I would be ashamed of that. Ever.

People had obviously made comments before, but I never cared. What were their opinions to me? Nothing. Why did I care about Eli's so much? I DONT KNOW.

Ugh.

I hated that I had someone right there within grasp that had all the right things for me, no other guy made me feel the way he did, and I couldn't have him.

I mean that, no other guys were like him. Other guys were overbearing, too lovey or not enough. I didn't even want to kiss another guy until him. They were too emotional for me or too high maintenance. I like a guy who cares, but me being as emotional as I am- I need a man who can let me take that role.

He was that. Also I can't deny that I loved the fire he had. He had a temper and was passionate. That was attractive.

I could go on forever about Eli Jones.

But it wouldn't change the fact that he just wanted to be friends or friends with benefits, so he didn't take me serious. AND Jonny didn't like him.