she's mine.

95

My mind shot back to Eli's words as I rode in my brother's truck on the way home.

I will make you my wife someday

It had been nearly been a week since I rolled my eyes and pushed myself out of his car. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. I hated the way he looked at me as if he already knew, like I didn't even have an option, like my future was already made it.

I know I said I would be cordial- I lied, but so did he! He said he wouldn't hurt me, he said he wouldn't break my heart.

Now look at me.

I was stumbling over a few words he had said to me almost a week ago. I couldn't be more relived for it to be the weekend, for Friday night to be here and to have two days- two days without his eyes on me.

He wasn't the same, just like I wasn't either. I couldn't seem to be annoyed with his eyes always on me because I couldn't seem to keep mine off him.

I mean I couldn't lie to myself- how would I know He was always watching me if I wasn't always watching him..

But that's beside the point.

The point was, he should have gotten the hint- no scratch that. The billboard that I had written out for him. I didn't want him. I didn't want to see him or be near him. And I sure didn't want to marry him someday..

Right..?

Yes.

That was right. I could forgive, but forget? That would mean I would have to forget my father, which no. Not happening.

But maybe..

Nah.

No

No can do.

The struggle inside was real. I hated every second of it. As much as I thought I wanted Eli back at school, I couldn't help this I couldn't handle seeing him everyday and not being near him.

I sighed.

"You know you can speak every once in a while right?" Jonny glanced at me. I still had yet to talk to him, or my mom. I just couldn't bear the thought of more crashing down on me. Of me crying again, in the same week as my last mental breakdown.

Whatever.

I just nodded to my brother. "Yah, I know," I did know. He was good to me, even when I didn't deserve it. I wasn't ready to go home and just sit with my family as the weekend slowly went by, but anything was better than sitting at school day dreaming about the boy in my class that I forbid myself to speak to.

The only release at school was my lunch when I got to write and forget about everything. It was stupid, I knew it was, but something about just diving into a topic that Ms. Ike gave me was such a relief.

I don't even know what I wrote about, but boy it felt good.

I wish everything would go back to normal.. or at least halfway normal. I wish I could talk to my friends again or my family or even just have a real conversation with myself. I knew I needed to pull myself together, but I also knew I was barely holding it together as it was.

Maybe I just needed to give myself a break. I mean maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself? That was hard, I had gone from having my man, my friends, and practically a whole other family to lean on, and now.. nothing.

I couldn't look at Eli without feeling guilt like I was betraying my father. Jake wasn't at school. Lea wouldn't acknowledge me. She wasn't giving me dirty looks anymore, but she hadn't talked to me the whole week. D was there and sweet, but she was a little preoccupied with Levi to really see me. I didn't mind that though, I understood. It was hard to see those around you when you were in the midst of falling in love, and I'd hope if our roles were switched she would give me some slack.