Devotion and Desire

Chapter Sixteen

 *I kind of fell for you pretty hard and it has been forever since I've connected to anyone like this and my heart is kind of broken in a million pieces.*
-BJ Novak, One More Thing

Sal's P.O.V.

Two months later

Starting the night of Callie's work party, I felt like things had began to go back to normal between Brian and I. There were less awkward silences. Less tension on set. We actually saw each other outside of work again. But the biggest thing - the way I really knew things were changing - I was able to look at him and Callie together and actually be happy for them. For the first time since Callie had confessed to me they had started hanging out, I felt hopeful that things could be normal again.

Brian was so happy when I started acting more like my old self again. He kept telling me how happy he was that I had gotten over my 'crush' on Callie. He made it no secret that he was ecstatic that the three of us could now all go out and do things, and just hang out together. And before long at all, it was the four of us. Brian and Callie, and me and Alaina. 

I wanted more than anything to stop loving Callie - so the night of the Christmas party, when Brian mentioned Alaina - even though I had initially written the idea off, I ended up going for it. Once I met her, and saw how beautiful she was, and got to know her over the course of the night, I really thought Brian might have been on to something. She was such a great girl, and I was so desperate for all of us to be happy, that I even did something I ordinarily never would have, and took her home that same night.

Alaina was one of the nicest girls ever, but meanwhile I was so busy pining over Callie that I never even bothered to give things with her a real chance. Alaina is stunning. Intelligent. Funny. Loyal. Honest. Fun to be around. Everything any sane man would ever want. Over the course of the next few weeks, following the party, we began seeing each other more and more. I could tell how much she liked me. She never hid her feelings, or played games. Honestly, Alaina treated me like gold. There was only one problem.

Like I said, things were okay - even good - for a while. But as time went on, something inside me changed. It turns out that Brian was wrong. I never got over Callie. Because it wasn't a crush. I was in love with her. As desperately as I wanted that not to be true, I couldn't deny it no matter how hard I tried. I tried, for the sake of my friendship - with both Brian and Callie. I tried for Alaina. I tried to keep it pushed down. Tried to ignore it. But inside, it was killing me. I hated being around them at the same time. I loved them both. I loved hanging out with them - individually. But when we were all together, having to see them hug and kiss, hearing them say 'l love you,' it was literal torture. 

And I knew I should break things off with Alaina, because the way I felt about another woman, wasn't fair to her. But I couldn't do that either. Because as much as I hated to admit it, knowing damn well it made me a scumbag - she kept my mind off of Callie. Even though I used to judge Brian for keeping Lacey around, now I knew exactly how he had felt. I kept telling myself not to dump her, because if I just gave it more time, surely I would fall in love with her.

Over the next two months, Brian and Callie both talked freely with me about their relationship. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Now that things had gone back to normal, and I was in a relationship - they thought I was just a neutral friend to vent to. And I tried to be. I really did. Callie came to me and cried on my shoulder two weeks ago, when her and Brian had a huge fight - I guess it had been happening more and more frequently now - and even though I just held her, and told her everything would be okay - all I really wanted to do was grab her and kiss her. It destroyed me, seeing her hurt. And it made me angry with Brian, knowing he was fucking up with the best girl in the world. I didn't really know what he had done - Callie never really told me details; she liked keeping her private life private, which I respected - but I knew Brian was messing up.