Chapter 3
|Nicole " NiNi " Thomas|
Growing up wasn't always easy for me. I was always bigger then the other kids my age. I was picked on because I didn't have expensive clothes or shoes. Just because my clothes were limited and not name brand doesn't mean anything. I was raped by my dad's best friend. It was sad to say that when I told my parents they didn't believe me. His best friend meant more to them that anything I said didn't matter.
After a while I just stopped believing that what my parents told me were true. They didn't love me. They didn't care that for almost a year his best friend played with his little girl sexually. I tried everyday to tell them, but it fell on deaf ears.
They would say "No he didn't sweetheart", "It's not nice to lie on people about something serious like that." Or sometimes they'd beat me for "lying".
Why would I lie about something like that? His best friend always found it amusing that they never believed me. I just gave up. As I got older I became distant from them. I stopped eating dinner with them, stopped being the loving, talkative, carefree daughter I was. What he did to me ruined me. I had nightmares of him coming in my room late at night raping me over and over again. I grew up and when I got to high school it got worse. I just wanted to die and never come back. Four years, every single day, every single year, the bullying continued. I never told my parents and 'til this day they still don't know.
Who was going to help me? Hell even the teachers bullied me! My parents wouldn't have believed me so why tell them. I just sucked it up and stayed in my books.
I have more pain than I can cope with right now. This pain seems overwhelming and permanent at the moment. Does time and support help? How can I overcome my problems, the pain, and suicidal feelings that I have on a day to day basic?
After I graduated from high school I got a scholarship and I moved on to college campus. With both my parents dead I didn't have a home to go to. A mom to say I love you to. A dad that's supposed to protect me. I didn't have anyone. I was alone in this world. This was nothing new to me.
NO ONE EVEN HELPS ME WHEN THEY SEE I'M BEING BULLIED NOW! They are scared of Mikhail and his friends. I fear that he might hurt me more then the little things he's doing now. I try to stay far away as possible from them as I can. I don't need the drama. I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE! Maybe ending my life is the way to go.
Always alone. Always being bullied. Always fat. Always the less fortunate. Always the abused. Always the nerd. Always the fat, nobody's going to love, ungrateful, lying, conniving bitch.
Always.
So if I take my life now, the only thing I'd be remembered by is that always.
My ALWAYS seems to be my FOREVER.
