Emison: I can't fight my feelings

Emily Don't.

ALISON POV.

"I love you." I hear Emily whisper through the door. Her broken voice is sounding like she's saying goodbye to me. Forever. My eyes immediately start to water and tears roll down my cheeks. I begin to realize what she's going to do.

"Emily, you better not be doing what I think you're doing." I yell at her while I cry the hardest I ever have. I pound on her door as I'm scared for Emily's life.

"I'm so sorry." She whispers through the door. I hear her footsteps walk to the bathroom. I feel so helpless because I can't stop her, I can't open her door before it's too late.

"EMILY! NO!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I'm trying to kick down Emily's locked door before she can do anything to herself.

"EMILY PLEASE." I cry as I feel my body getting weaker. I can't have her leave me, she's the love of my life. If Emily dies, all of me dies with her. I need her here. My heart is pounding faster than it ever has. She won't listen to me and open the door. My hands are shaking and my mind is racing. I am going to be standing on the other side of her door as she attemps to kill herself. I keep screaming for Emily over and over. I take out a bobby pin from my purse and try to unlock the door but it won't work. I scream harder and harder. Through my screams and my cries I hear pills shake together.

"NO! EMILY!" I shriek in horror.

EMILY POV.

I hear Alison scream for me over and over and it hurts me so much. But I have to do what I have to do. I take my bottle of pain killers and pour a huge amount of pills into my hand as my hands are shaking with fear. I cry as I stare at these pills that will take my life, forever, and never bring it back. I hear Alison banging on my door harder and harder. I look at myself in the mirror one last time as tears stain my cheeks. I wish I could give Alison all she needs, but I'm just a useless gay teenager that doesn't deserve her. Then I hear Alison start to speak through the door.

"Emily Catherine Fields, you are the love of my life and I need you with me. If you leave me I will never in a million years get over you. I will cry every day and every night just thinking of what we could have been. You will leave me being miserable the rest of my life. Think about our future. We will live together and have kids and do whatever we want to do. Whatever you want to do. We will grow old and gray together side by side," She continues crying but keeps speaking, "if you leave this world, I won't be able to kiss you every day or hug you when I need you to hold me. I won't be able to smile or stare into your beautiful brown eyes ever again. I don't ever want to live in a world without you Emily Fields, please." She finishes while she's crying. Her bold words are fading into a whisper. I take one last look at the pills. I just stare at them. I then close my eyes and think. I think about my family and friends and how loving they have been to me, but it's time for me to go. I keep my eyes closed and think about the last thought I will ever think and how I want it to be a good one. I think of Alison. I think of our impossible love story. I think about how deeply I love her and how I want to hold her and touch her every minute. "I never want to hurt her." I whisper to myself. I then open my eyes quickly. I look at the pills in my hand and let them go. I watch them fall down the drain and leave forever. Then I hear Alison screaming for me. I quickly turn my body and run to my door. I unlock it as fast as I can and swing it open. I see a heartbroken Alison look at me quickly and then before I know it she jumps into my arms and hugs me as tight as she can. I wrap my arms around her and begin to cry harder. We are both shaking as we hold onto each other for dear life.

"Im so sorry." I cry into her shoulder, "I'm so so sorry." I sob.

I feel her crying too, harder then I've ever heard her cry before.

"You're gonna be okay Em." She says as she squeezes me tighter. I just hold her. I hold Alison as we cry into each others shoulders. I hold her and don't ever want to ever let her go. I almost let her slip away. I love her more than anything else in the world. We stand in my doorway just holding onto each other as tears soak each others clothing. Right now, it's just me and Alison. Nobody else.

"You saved me." I whisper, not letting go of her. She continues sobbing in my shoulder.

"No Em, you saved me." She whispers. My broken heart feels if it's been stitched back together just by hearing Alison's voice. More tears escape my eyes as I turn my head and give her wet cheek a long, soft kiss. I keep my hands around her lower back as she's hugging me around my shoulders.

Her crying starts to calm a bit as I hold her tight, as close to my body as possible. Her breathing starts to steady and so does mine. As my head is in her neck I look over on my bed side table and see the photo of Ali and I kissing in LA on the bridge. I relive that moment in my head and love every second of it. I want to be with Alison forever, as long as I possibly can.

I slowly pull away from her body, as does she. I close my eyes as our cheeks depart from each other and we come face to face. I flutter my eyes open and see Alison. The love of my life. I see her ocean blue eyes and perfect heart-shaped face. In that moment, nothing else is on my mind but her. I never thought I would be able to look into her perfect eyes ever again. We just stand and stare for a minute. I think of how lucky I am to be alive, with her right now.

I slowly lean in and she follows. I get butterflies when our lips get closer and closer. I close my eyes and feel her soft pink lips touch mine. I regrab her waist and pull it into mine slowly. Tears, once again, roll down my cheeks. Our lips fit perfectly together and are in perfect sink as Alison cups my face with her hands and deepens the kiss. Everything is slow, and passionate, not eager or violent. She wipes my tears away and keeps moving her lips with mine. The passion only grows as I kiss my one true love. I move my hands to her lower back and slowly walk back, pulling her body with me. She takes steps forward keeping her lips glued to mine. We never try to speed anything up, as we are just enjoying each other in this very moment. When I feel my back hit my bed I slowly sit down as Ali deepens the kiss even more. I feel her tears hit my face as I crawl backwards farther onto the bed. She crawls over me as she slips her tongue in my mouth. The passion for each other multiplies by thousands as our tongues collide. We both slowly pull away for air when our eyes meet.

"I never thought I would kiss you again." Alison says softly, looking into my eyes.

"Mein either." I reply with tears. She leans back in and touches our lips together slowly. Her legs are to both sides of my stomach as she rubs her hands around my waist. She rubs her hands up my stomach and begins to slip my shirt over my head. She gets it off and now I am just in my sweatpants and bra. She just stares at me and my body, looking at me with glossy, tear soaked eyes.

"God, you're so beautiful." She gasps looking in my eyes. Tears roll down the sides of my face as I look up at her. I bring my hand up to hers and intertwine our fingers. I melt at her touch. I stare at our interlocked hands and then look back at her.

"I love you." I say as if I am saying it for the first time. She smiles, keeping her mouth closed.

"I love you more." She whispers. I kiss her again and slowly roll over so I am on the top. As I kiss her I touch her body with my shaking hands as if I am touching her for the last time. I can't believe I was ever going to leave her. I need her with me. I need her love and her touch. I need her voice telling me everything's going to be okay. I just need her by my side.

Alison flips back over so she's on top. We kiss and kiss, over and over as I embrace every time our bodies touch. I tug on her shirt and slide it off her beautiful body. Once I take it off I hold her hips tight and rub my hands up and down as she kisses me hard and passionately. She gives me one long kiss as I hold her tight. She pulls away as she's catching her breath. She rests her head on my forehead and closes her eyes, as I never let her go. The whole world around us stops as we lay on my bed, heads touching.

"Don't ever leave me." She whispers keeping her eyes closed.

"I won't." I reply.