This Isn't Love

Chapter 16: Panic

"Jin can you open the door for us please?"

I had locked the door to the bathroom and was sitting against the wall shaking. I had accidentally broke the glass toothbrush holder and I went into a panic thinking that I had done something wrong. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I continuously repeat letting my tears fall knowing that I had messed up big time.

"Hey it's okay hyung you did nothing wrong but you gotta open the door." Hoseok says but I only continue rocking back and forth. "I didn't m-mean to do it! I really d-didn't! I-it just fell! F-fell!" I say letting out more cries until the door swings open, "thank fuck you found a key" I hear Tae say as someone engulfs me in a hug. "What happened hyung, you have to tell us what happened." I look up seeing everyone and I felt so helpless. "I-I accidently b-broke t-the holder. I p-promise I d-didn't mean to" I say and Namjoon just shushes me softly and holds me in his arms.

I could hear the glass being picked up and I felt guilt invade my body. I had made them pick it up because I was too weak. Useless."You did nothing wrong baby, you did nothing wrong." I had hugged onto Namjoon more needing the warmth and comfort. I look up seeing him smile and then gives me a kiss on the head, "see your okay." I let out a shaky breath of relief and lay my head on his shoulder.
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Everyone had finally gotten calmed down and had gone back to normal. After that incident Hoseok and Taehyung were practically glued to my side, I didn't mind it but would flinch everytime they would even give me a hug. Right now me and Hoseok were watching a movie with my head on his chest slowly falling asleep.

"Are you sleepy hyung?" I nod and he gives me a small smile, "well let's get some food in you and then get you off to bed" he says and I whine and just slump against him more, "don't wanna." I lift my head and he pouts and puts me on his lap, I am the hyung here. "Well why not? It will make you big and strong!"

I just cross my arms "well I don't wanna be big and strong, and I'm not a child, I'm your Hyung." I say and he nods and I hadn't even noticed that he had stood up and was already walking to the kitchen. "Of course you are. Now what fruit do you want? Apple, banana, peach,.... It's your choice." I get out of his grasp and sit on the counter swinging my legs.

Peach 59 calories, banana 105 calories, apple 95 calories. "I'll have a peach..." I say and he grabs one and hands it to me, "now you only have to have that and milk. If you need to use the restroom get one of us okay. I have to go down to the studio, love you bye" he says and hands me the milk too with a kiss on the head. He goes out the front door and I sigh and hop off the table. 

I put the peach back since I wasn't hungry and 103 calories. I can drink the milk it's not that much. Armies don't want a fat idol. But Namjoon said he wouldn't hurt me anymore, he doesn't hurt me anymore. So? You know that won't last long when he sees how fat you've got. Lose weight, or he will never love you.

I pour the milk down the drain and quietly walk up to the bathroom hoping I could get today's breakfast out of my body. I shut the door and kneel down, they had removed the lock on the door and now we would just knock. I put my fingers down my throat and press on the very back of my tongue. I gag three times before I finally throw up, it wasn't enough though and I do it again as my eyes were already filled with tears. Some roll down my cheeks as I gag and then throw up.

"Jin stop!" I look up quickly and see Yoongi. He rushes over and I feel my throat close up and I throw up again. He stands up and grabs a paper towel. "I'm so sorry!" I say and lean against the wall realizing I was having a panic attack. "In and out! Shit- in and out Jin" I try to breath but I could only think about how he had caught me throwing up. He wasn't suppose to catch me, no-one was. "Its okay it's okay just breath. In and out please in and out" I try and I started to calm down but let out soft sobs of pure pain.

"Y-Yoongi I can't b-breath!" I say and then grab my stomach as it feels like someone's pulling out my guts. "Shit shit shit shit shit shit" he leaves and then comes back and hugs me close to him "just try to breath in and out. In and out." He says and I could breath fine but my stomach was not okay at all. "I-it hurts! Fuck it h-hurts so b-bad!" I say and he looks at me his face was filled with fear.

"What hurts?!?! You have to tell me what hurts!" He yells and I let out a scream in pain as all of the sudden it feels like somebody has stabbed me and twisted it. "Taehyung call the Manager we are going to the hospital! Jungkook come here and carry Jin! Hurry the fuck up!" Jungkook and Taehyung come running in and freeze. I let out another scream of pain and Yoongi jumps up, "I SAID HURRY THE FUCK UP!" He yells and Taehyung accidently drops his phone.

I close my eyes and try to breath but it didn't help the pain. I feel myself get picked up bridal style and I wrap my arm around their neck.

That's when the world goes black.