i am not a replacement

Chap20(stupid)

"so you left from there? "

"yeah "

"he didn't follow after you? he seemed to be persistent, how can he just let you go like that ?"

"don't know but I am happy that he did "

"so ?.. what do you want to do Amanda? "

"I don't know .. I truly don't .. I have so many questions I want to ask him but at the same time, I don't want to talk to him "

"you don't want to or you are forcing yourself not to want to? "

That shut me up right there .. I had no answer for that...

After that conversation I had with Henry, I went straight to Peter's clinic right after calming myself down in a park just near it .. I just couldn't wait for an appointment, I was slowly feeling lost and scared .. I just don't know what to do anymore and that scared me..actually ..terrified me.

"Listen, Amanda, have you ever thought that this knowledge you have on human's mind is depriving you of so many things in life "

I just kept looking at him dumbfounded before I managed to ask  "what is that supposed to mean? "

"if I was to treat my children and wife as a psychologist, trust me, they would've left long ago.. one of us will leave actually, either me for realizing every small issue in their system or them for being treated like a patient .."

"you've treated him as one of your patients ..actually you have treated everyone that way, including yourself ..that is how you reached this point .. " he added when I kept silent unable to argue with what I was hearing from him.

He put his hands on the table, decreasing the space between us

"I might sound sexist when I say this but work is so hard for women, I'm talking about your mental health, not that you can't manage the pressure or the responsibility cause you are more than capable even more than any man on this planet but your mind is fragile .....you are sentimental by nature, so it's normal to mix work with personal life and when you do, you feel lost like you have no place to rest and no home, it all appears like work to you ..."

"for those five years .. well seven years including the two years before marriage ..you went from work to work, you had no home, Amanda .. 'cause in your mind, you deprived yourself of one "

"don't forget that they are humans, family, friends, enemies, whatever category you can think of, but not patients, the moment you are out of your office, there are no more patients. Look at me, even though you are in my office now, I took off the coat the moment you came in ..cause you are not a patient and I am not treating you like one "

I sigh at that "I know ..but I had no other label to give him, Peter ..even I was confused, whenever I see weakness in someone I just treat them as a patient and try to fix them, all I saw in him was a weak, hurt and scared patient, he never once showed me this side of him "

"he had a label that is 'husband', and now a new label 'your ex-husband' .. you are confused, is he your ex-husband or still a patient? you want to throw tantrums at your ex but you can't cause he is your patient ..do you see where this is going ?"

"I'm mixing my work with my life, unconsciously " I nodded my head understanding

"and you are suppressing some great emotions that are now bringing you down slowly since they want release..stop this one-month policy you have ..ten minutes is all you need to calm down and just talk .. talk like mature people, and if you don't want to be civilized then just kick his ass, hit him, yell at him, empty a bottle of water over his head like in those dramas "