i am not a replacement

chap10-2 (SMILE)

I don't know what I was doing ..
BUT.. I was doing it..

'barbie' ... they called her barbie and treated her like a brainless doll, now I truly get the reason for her outburst that day...and IT managed to bother me..

she seemed so happy and relaxed when she was with Amanda, yet the moment the other left and she was back to work, a gloomy look on her face replaced every other emotion she was able to pull in Amanda's presence...I don't know if they were fake or they were her genuine emotions towards Amanda but they easily vanished like they never existed. 

she put a smile back on in front of cameras and the tightest smile when she spoke to the staff, apart from four people in this whole station she pulled away from every other and tried to have the least contact possible 

Should I tell Amanda about this ?

Nah that would make her worry unnecessarily...and it's not like she can stop any of them from bad-mouthing her if she tries she will be pulled along with her right under the bus

"morning sir" a female staff grabbed my attention from the woman I had my eyes laid on this whole time 

"uh. yeah, good morning"

For how long was I looking at her?..

I turned around and checked my surroundings making sure that no one noticed me in a daze..

"are you here to check the rehearsal?"

"ah! yeah, yeah! I am here to check"

"would you like some coffee sir? "

"no...I'm good" I was expecting her to leave but she just stood there ..."you can leave"

"yes sir" she turned around and walked away,  joined some other women in the corner who by the looks of it seemed to be waiting for her, by the time she was a bit far from where I was standing she decided to share her thoughts with them thinking I wouldn't catch any of them from here "he is here to check, you idiot, I told you there is no way he has a liking for her"

"he is probably using it as an excuse though, we all heard about her outburst"

"well only  a barbie like her is stupid enough to do that"

"But I heard they are together and that girl Amanda was trying to steal him away from her"

"Edwin snow and Madeline? yeah right!"

"why not? all she does is use her face and body to attract them like bees"

"you should have seen the way he treated her in the meeting"

"I heard he was so cold, but maybe that's just a show, I mean if not, why is he here ?"

why am I here?...

"well...maybe to find a fault in her, after that scene she made with his assistant, she is bound to get fired, I mean that's not a way to carry yourself in your place of work"

"that's possible too...but what could the reason for that whole show she did?"

"what do you think? either not the right shade of foundation, or not short enough dress"

Ouch! that is quite harsh...

"CUT!" his booming voice filled the studio before he shook his head out of frustration "SMILE! smile for god sake! smile!" he yelled and his voice was filled with so much anger and it alerted me that she was going to cry, I looked her way but she was stone-like cold, her eyes... seemed to be drawn to... ME!

 I believed she won't be able to spot me considering she had lights flashing and I was right behind them in the dimly lit space close to the exit... but seems like she did...

"WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU LOOKING?! I am here! are you bli-" he turned before he managed to spit out the rest of the word and his rage vanished when his eyes met mine "sir" was the only thing he said acknowledging my presence. 

Every other soul in the studio looked back and tensed when they found me there but my eyes were pulled away from them to her figure when it moved slowly, jumping slightly from the high chair she was seated on and walking away with a water bottle in hand and a script in the other 

"can I help you, sir?" 

"can you lower your voice and have some manners when speaking?" I attacked before I even thought about it, I wasn't even looking at him, I was still looking at her walking away to the green room

"wha- yes sir, it is actually normal in our field, it's a way to motivate them, she will get it right when i-"

"I didn't ask why you did so, I asked if you are able to lower your voice and talk politely and properly"

Clenching his jaw and looking down "yes sir" he gave me a short and satisfying answer 

"MORE RESPECT ON SET YOU PEOPLE! A HOST IS STILL A HUMAN !" I yelled for everyone to hear then looked to my side straight to those gossiping group of women "not a doll" I added hoping that their brains would get it 

I turned to the horrified faces in front of me but also some cunning hyenas waiting for me to leave so they can laugh at me

 I knew for a matter of fact that this will make matters worse, they will all think that we have something between us, but that can all be clarified when I get together with Amanda 

"call the host to come back on stage" I ordered the mic guy, who If my memory is not deceiving me, one of the four people she liked...he threw his headset down and ran straight to the green room to get her, and here I waited for them both to come back before I said one last thing

"you!" I pointed at her the moment she came in view "no more short dresses! stop looking like a barbie yourself...suits are good taking into consideration the nature of the show and if anyone dares oblige you to wear something you don't like, think or act a certain way that you find offensive from your part...then my office is wide open for you to make a scene anytime"

all I remember after is her dumbfounded expressions and a slight smile that found its way to her face before I turned and left...

I'm...

insane...