i am not a replacement

chap29-2 (Dear Ivy)

Dear ivy,

Hi !.. I was actually inspired when I saw Amanda writing you .. I thought, why not do the same? ..but I don't know how this is supposed to go.

Anyways, I think I could start by saying that ..I'm fine ..hope that it's the same case for you too...

I wanted to apologize ..for the most hideous thing I have ever done throughout my life and that is thinking that you won't be happy for me and indulging that same thought in our son's head.

But I guess that was a form of fear; the fear of loving yet again, and I conveyed it in the most childish way possible while using your name and staining it..you would never hate us for reaching out for our happiness ..you're not that kind..so I'm sorry for making you appear to be that way..

i don't know what to say anymore..so I'll tell you a little about your friend ..

Amanda is a great woman, as unbreakable one would think she is (taking into consideration that she is a psychiatrist and she knows how the human mind works), she is actually too fragile maybe that's because of her job, you know how people's thoughts can be terrifying sometimes ..but god!! she was so blind when it came to me, sometimes I like to think that she was as afraid as me ..

you know if we were to tell our story... Then we would suck at it 'cause we were lost, so lost mind I say, lost after your death; me leaving it that way and her pretending that she found her way.. 

I guess in the end we just had to come to terms with it, and not run away from what was destined..it's never as bad as we think ..we just tend to make it bigger than it is..

God! Louis is having a fit, I need to go!... talk to you later.

                                                                                                                                                            love, Henry

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we don't fear the unknown 

we fear what we already know 

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