Fleur-de-lis

Sons of Perdition

(A.N: let it be known that i don't really like writing smutt because I think that it and the dialog it contains is cringy as hell so It might be bad because I honestly can't tell the difference between good erotica and bad but I hope you like it anyway. Also the way the characters act in this chapter might seem a bit...Immoral, but I am trying to illustrate that the characters don't have a conventionally healthy relationship in eye of common opinion)

John's p.o.v.

"You alright?"

Van just stares at my house through the car window. He'd seen it a hundred and one times but now he was looking at it like he'd never been here before. My mom and old man were still out with his folks, having a day out with our little sisters. We had the house to ourselves.

"I'm fine." He replies.

I grab the bags of things we'd need for the night. We took a quick visit to a shop neither of us had ever been in before coming here. I look over at Vanitas and still see a sad look in his eye. He was beating himself up about just ghosting Roman. I couldn't bring myself to worry about Roman like Van was. Roman wasn't what mattered to me.

"Hey. I know what'll cheer you up." I smirk.

I pop open the glove box of my car and pull out the collar that I bought for Van a few months back.

"You kept this?!" Van asked in surprise.

"Could never bring myself to get rid of it." I confess.

Vanitas smiles happily and takes the collar, putting it on. I fucking loved the way he looked in it but that might just be the fact that "property of John" was engraved onto the tag. I wanted everyone to know that he was mine now.

We both step out of the car and I walk us up to the front door unlocking the house with the key my parents entrusted to me...a trust I'd soon betray. I lead Van inside and up the stairs, stopping in front of the bathroom.

"Here." I say, handing him one of the bags. "This is everything you'll need to get cleaned up. I'll get showered up in my parent's bathroom."

Van takes the bags and gives me a long lasting nervous look before slipping into the bathroom. I sigh and head to my parents room. I look around at all my parent's stuff. So many crosses and statues of Jesus. I'd never really realized how unsettling that was till today. I pay the prying eyes of our lord and savior no mind and go into the bathroom. I run a hot shower, sit down my bag, strip and get in.

I think back to when Van and I were kids. His sister Grace used to just giggle and shake her head at us when we were rough housing. She was cool. I think her disappearing was the tipping point that caused Van and I to grow closer and my subsequent fear of my feelings for him. I left Van to face it all alone. He felt abandoned by his sister and then I left. He'd probably locked his own feelings away because of it.

I scrub away all the bad memories under the hot water. I wanted to wash it all away and be better this time around. I'd be true to my feelings and be sure that Vanitas was true to his. I fucking loved that kid. I can't believe I was ever ashamed to admit that.

I give myself one last rinse and turn the water off. I grab one of my dad's towels and dry myself off before wrapping it around my waist, grabbing my bag and going to my room.

I sit the bag of condoms and lube on my pillow and sit on my bed, trying to look comfortable. I can still hear the shower running for Van which came with a bit of anxiety. Any minute, the water would stop and we'd do the devil's dance. I mean...it wasn't much more than what we'd already done before but I guess it was more about what it represented. We were about to cross a threshold that we could never really come back from.