A collection of 22 short stories from Gravity Falls, Oregon.
In these 22 stories, you'll take a trip to the time before Dipper and Mabel came to the town. You'll get to hear stories we never got to hear from the summer of 2012. You'll get a look in...
Summary: Inspired by the famous Simpsons scene Steamed Hams, Stan has a luncheon with Lazy Susan.
Dipper and Mabel returned to the shack one afternoon after a day out, to find Ford trying to clean the place up while Stan was in the kitchen trying to clean burn marks on the wall.
"Grunkle Stan?" said Mabel.
"Oh, uh, hey kids," replied Stan, "I was just uh...oh never mind, how long have you both been standing there?"
"Forget us," said Dipper, "What the heck happened here?"
"Yeah, why does the kitchen look like a coal factory?" asked Mabel.
Stan's mind flashed back to earlier in the day. The events unfolding as if he was hearing a script being read out.
----
The doorbell rang and Stan walked up to open it.
"Well, Stanley, I made it...despite your directions," said Lazy Susan.
"Ah, Lazy Susan! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!" said Stan.
"Uhh..."
Stan walked into the kitchen and to his shock, the stove was smoking. He gasped.
"Oh egads, my roast is ruined!"
He looked out of his window and spotted a nearby burger joint
"But what if...I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking?" he thought, "Oh ho ho ho ho...delightfully devilish, Stanley!"
Before he could escape, Lazy Susan walked in, "Uh-"
(Start of song)
"Grunkle Stan with his crazy explanations, Lazy Susan's gonna need her medication. When she hears Stanley's lame exaggerations. There'll be trouble in town tonight!
(end of song)
"STANLEY!"
"Lazy Susan," said Stan, "I was just, uh...just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?"
"Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Stanley?" she replied.
Stan quickly thinks up an excuse, "Uhh...no! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmm... steamed clams!"
Hearing that, Lazy Susan walked back into the living room
Stan lets out an "Ooh..." in relief. He then jumps out of the window and runs over to the nearby burger joint.
(a few moments later)
"Lazy Susan, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!" said Stan as he walked in with a plate of artery clogging fast food.
"I thought we were having steamed clams?" said Lazy Susan, truly confused by this turn of events.
"D'oh, no," assured Stan, "I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!"
"You call hamburgers "steamed hams?"
"Yes. It's a regional dialect!"
"Uh-huh...uh," said a skeptical Lazy Susan, "What region?"
"Uhh...upstate New York?" replied Stan out of the blue.
"Really?" she replied, "Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."
"Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression."
"I see," said Lazy Susan.
Stan looked relived; he was home free. But then the next questions began rolling in
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"You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at King Burger."
"Oh, ho ho ho...no, patented Stanley burgers. Old family recipe," said Stan, trying to make another excuse.
"For steamed hams?" said Lazy Susan.
"Yes."
"Yeah, so you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact they are obviously grilled."
Now Stan really was nervous.
"Ye- hey- you know, the- one thing I should- excuse me for one second."
"Of course," replied Lazy Susan as Stan got up and casually walked into kitchen.
"Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, I'm pooped," he said, as he walked out of the kitchen yawning.
Lazy Susan got up, "Yes, I should be- Good Lord, what is happening in there!?" she yelled.
"Aurora borealis?"
"Uh- aurora borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?
"Yes!" replied Stan.
"May I see it?"
"No."
With dinner over, Lazy Susan walked out of the room and towards the exit where she looked back at Stan.
"Stanley," yelled Ford from the kitchen, "the shack is on fire!"
"No, Ford...it's just the northern lights!"
"Well, Stanley," said Susan, "You are an odd fellow, but I must say...you steam a good ham."
"Help!" yelled Ford.
Lazy Susan turned back to see Stan who put his right thumb up. She turned back around and started for the diner.
"Help!" yelled Ford again. This time Stan ran back inside to help.
----
Stan's train of thought ended as the twins looked at him.
"Well?" said Dipper.
"Well...let's just say you kids missed one hell of a light show," said Stan as he threw cleaning supplies at them.
"Now, go help Ford clean the shack while I deal with this oven!"
Still confused, Dipper and Mabel listen and went into the living room to help Ford.
"Yeesh...kids," said Stan, "They miss one kitchen aurora borealis and suddenly you're the one they assume burned the walls."
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