shit maybe I miss you

I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM !

Louis pov
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heeyyy .. it's me again... sorry yeh .. I did disappear after a day of saying sorry to zayn coz I lied ...
my sis died .. yeh she was 18 .. she juss ... DIED ..
I ...
I ...
I can't believe it .. she was the sweetest angel ever ...
* sobs *
I didn't see it coming .. if I ever knew about it .. I would never let her live alone... she had done no harm to the world ... and I could've protected her .. maybe check on her with the doctor by myself
* wipes tears *
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I'm happy for her tho .. and if I'm being honest enough I'll say .. I'm jelly as well .. she'll be able to see mom first ... I wanted to see mom first ... that's not fair .. that's juss .. gah ..
anyways.. they r at a Better place.. and I'll see them soon ... you know what I mean by soon so don't worry ...
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phoebe and daisy's birthday is coming.. gotta try and make them have the fun of them life .. I'm them older bro who should stay strong for them .. I'm gonna hide this weak side of me so they can move on ..
coz if they saw that them older bro had a break down .. they won't be able to hold on ... now really they need to hold on .. we have to take care of each other ...
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I juss don't wanna lose anyone else .. like god .. I'll ask you for one thing !
next time .. if you wanna take some one of Tomlinson's ... take some one named Louis.. please.. coz he had Enough of this game ... if you want .. juss take him .. he'll come to you by his own if you won't choose him next time ...!
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I'll be strong and move on for my fans as well .. their support was incredible through all these years .. and every time me or one of the boys is at a trouble... they'll stand by us always even when we r wrong.. seriously I'll never ask for more than what I'm getting from them ..
I'll release my album this year .. definitely .. won't let them wait more than they ever waited.. I'll give it to them coz they deserve to know about everything.. they'll know everything through the lyrics as we always did .. me speaking to them through the lyrics since 1d days and the times me and Liam were writing some songs ...
anyways I'll release a song soon .. and I'll take care of my sisters .. coz they r all what I'm living for ..
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.. I hope you like it ..
btw .. I made this chapter less sad so don't come at me people ... I needed to do this :')
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.. enjoy ..