Infinity Times Infinity (Book One)

Chapter 25

Ryan's POV

I was finally home from Watkins Glen. It was a long weekend. It was a long few weeks. I finished 12th today. Pretty solid. I usually struggled at road courses.

I grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat down on the couch with a weary sigh.

I turned on the TV but there wasn't anything on. Not that I really felt like watching anything anyway. There was nothing on that screen that would hold my interest.

The house was too quiet. Damn I miss her.

I could feel the tears threatening behind my eyes. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was worn out and didn't feel like doing anything. But I didn't feel like going to bed either. It had been nearly a month since she left, yet the hurt was as real and as raw as the first day. How the hell was I supposed to get over her?

I looked around the house. Everything reminded me of her.

I turned off the TV and the lights and decided to try to get some sleep.

I hated this bed. No matter how many times I washed the damn sheets, it still smelled like her. Even after buying new sheets, I could still smell her. She was imprinted on everything in my house. It was still full of her things that I just haven't gotten around to packing up because there was still a shred of hope in the back of my mind that she just might come back. I knew I was only hurting myself even more because it could just be wishful thinking on my part, but I just wasn't ready to let go. Maybe I didn't want to let go...if anything. Even the little pink princess dog bed remained in the corner of the bedroom.

Damn I miss her.

***********

I barely got any sleep. I was up at five a.m. just because I got tired of staring at my ceiling. The emptiness of the bed was overwhelming. I stumbled into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee when I looked out of the window and noticed the red Nissan Rogue parked in the driveway.

She had come back.

I was torn in two completely directions. Part of me was elated and just wanted to pick her up in my arms and sweep her off her feet. The other part of me was cautious and wary. She had broken my heart enough. I wasn't sure that I could trust her not to do it again. Then, there was a third voice in my head saying 'how do you even know she wants you back? Maybe she's just here to get her stuff.'

Regardless, she had just gotten out of the vehicle and was walking to the front door.

I flung the door open before she could even ring the doorbell. "What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to keep my tone level.

"Ry...uh, can, can I come in? Please? I want...I need to talk to you."

I opened the door wider and motioned her in. She set the dog carrier holding Libby down and took a seat at the table. She looked tired. She had dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes also looked a little puffy. Had she been crying?

She was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and never let go, but dammit, I don't know if I can handle another heartbreak. I loved her. I still love her.

"I know it's early, but I saw you were up. I also know that I am probably the last person you want to see right now. You had every right to slam that door in my face just now, but you didn't, so thank you for that. There are a lot of things I want to say to you right now, I actually had a speech prepared, but damn if I can remember it. First and foremost, I owe you an apology. A few apologies actually. First for leaving the way I did. Second, because I lied to you."