You Were Worth The Wait | Jelix

Chapter 9 - Looking for comfort

TW: Mentions of self harm

I was sitting on the couch, watching TV. It was about 11 am and I was about to get up and record a video, despite having nearly no motivation to do it. I was incredibly tired as I had just gotten back from a road trip with Bob and Wade. We hadn't hung out in a while, so it was nice to catch up with them and have some bonding time. But now I was tired as fuck, and all I could think about was sleep.

I grabbed the TV remote and switched off the television. I stood up, downed the last of my coffee, and began making my way upstairs. I came to a halt when I heard a knock at the door. I wasn't having any visitors over today, so I concluded it was probably the postman or a Jehovahs witness.

I looked through the peephole to discover it wasn't either of those. It was Jack. A seemingly flustered Jack. I unlocked the door and opened it, the bright sunlight hurting my eyes, forcing me to squint.

"Hey dude. Didn't think I'd see your face today. You good?" That's when I noticed there were tears in his eyes. That wasn't good. Jack is never like that in front of other people.

"What happened lil guy? Come inside, I'll get you a drink and then we can talk about it?" He didn't verbally respond. He just nodded and then walked inside, following me into the kitchen. He sat down at the breakfast bar as I walked around the kitchen rummaging through the cupboards.

"What do you wanna drink?" I asked, guessing he would say coffee. He was a coffee addict, whenever I went to his house to visit him he was drinking coffee.

"Anything with alcohol in." Well that wasn't what I was expecting. I frowned and decided to ask him if he wanted something else, like coffee. He said no, insisting on having an alcoholic beverage.

"Are you sure? You already seem really down, alcohol is just gonna make you feel even worse. Mentally and physically."

I knew that Jack would always resort to something not so good for him when he was really upset. Like that time he saw Felix with Alex and thought they were dating. He drank himself half blind and ended up vomiting everywhere and then passing out in his boyfriends own arms. He usually resorted to drinking alcohol when he was upset. Once we found cuts on his arms a couple of nights after he got upset over something. He told us they were from his sister's cat and then never talked about it again, but I've always known that it was self harm. It was ever since then I kept a close eye on him and his mental health. Then another time he'd had an argument with me: Felix caught him smoking a cigarette outside of his house.

Jack shook his head.

"I don't care. Maybe it'll make me forget." I knew there was no way I would win the battle, so I grabbed two cans of beer from the fridge, gave one to him and then kept one for myself. I sat down next to him on a stool and playfully ruffled his hair.

"So. What's happened?" He rubbed his eyes and sighed, taking his first sip of the beer I had just given to him.

"Me and Felix had an argument and now I feel like shit." As soon as I saw him on my doorstep, I guessed that it would probably be something to do with Felix.

"Damn. You haven't had one of those in a while."

"Yeah, I know."

"What did you argue about?" He took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes.

"Marzia." It began to click. Marzia had messaged me earlier that day, explaining that her and Felix had made up and were now friends, but she was certain Jack wouldn't be ok with it.

"Is it about the fact that him and Marzia are friends again?" He looked shocked at first but then nodded.

"How did you know? Did he tell you?" I shook my head.

"No. Marzia did." I was hoping he wouldn't get mad at me for being friends with her, but he didn't seem bothered by it.

"I feel terrible. I called him an idiot when really I'm the one who's an idiot. I acted so selfishly. Now he probably doesn't even wanna talk to me. Marzia's probably with him right now as we speak."

"I know she had a crush on him and all that...but why don't you want them to be friends so badly?"

"That's exactly the reason. Because she used to like him. She probably still does. What if he ends up falling for her? Marzia is...Marzia is kind. She's caring, sweet, funny, beautiful...I can't compete with her. She's too perfect..."

"It's starting to sound like you're in love with her." He chuckled and rolled his eyes, staring down at his can of beer.

"In all seriousness though...I understand where you're coming from. She used to, and possibly still does, like your boyfriend. You're scared, you're being protective, you think those two not being friends is the right thing. But I think you should just let them get on with it. I highly doubt that Felix would leave you for her. You two have such an amazing bond and he has so much love for you, I can't see him ever leaving you for not only Marzia, but for anyone."

"Does he have enough love for me to stay with me though?" He asked, making a pattern with his fingers on his drink.

"Of course he does! Do you wanna know about all the sleepless nights he has because he stays up at night worrying about you? About how every day he tells me about how much he loves you? About how when you were in that hospital bed, fast asleep, with no sign of you waking up a year ago, he cried his eyes out every single day and night because he was terrified of losing the person he's so madly in love with? It's all true Seán. Marzia can't get in the way of what you have, it's a bond too strong to break. You don't need to worry about losing him."

He stared at the can of beer some more. Then he looked up at me and nodded, pushing the drink away from him, even though he had drank barely any of it. He stood up, looking me straight in the eyes.

"You're right. I don't have to worry. I need to go back...I need to apologise, tell him how much of a dumbass I was being. Thanks Mark. You're a great guy." He leant down and hugged me tightly. I smiled and cherished the hug, feeling a little sad that he was leaving. It would have been nice to spend more time with him, as since him and Felix got together, we had kind of drifted.

He let go of me, smiled and then quickly walked into the living room and out of the front door. It felt lonelier and colder now that he was gone. The whole situation had made me do a lot of thinking.

It's funny. I wonder if Felix would stop me and Jack being friends if he knew.