As Real as it Gets

Ricks Will be Ricks (Chapter 11, Part 5)

'Doofus' Rick and you talked about how exactly you were going to get into the highest security building without getting caught or possibly killed, many ideas came to mind, but none of them stuck. As you walked through the faintly lit, narrow streets, staying off of the main roads to avoid any police, Ricks were heard throwing creative comments and pick-up lines in your direction. You tried your best to ignore them.

"I'm telling you, we need guns!" You exclaimed.

"Did someone mention guns?" A silhouette of a Rick was seen leaning on the building wall, adjusting his hat, "I can get you some guns."

You raised an eyebrow, "And who might you be?" You asked.

"Could ask you the same question, Doll." He stepped into the light and his very stereotypical cowboy outfit was shown in its full glory, completed with a hat, boots and large belt buckle.

"Whoa..." Your eyes widened, "From what John Wayne movie did you fall out of?"

The Cowboy Rick was offended, "Can't fucking believe it. I'm over here, trying to help your little plan in cahoots and you're just straight-up insulting me like I'm some sort of beef-headed goney!"

"You're right, I'm sorry." You apologized, "I'm Y/N."

"How may I be of service, Y/N?" He smiled.

"We need help... my Rick has been captured by the President and needs to be saved." You explained.

"The President? Never liked that new Sonkey. I've never believed in his speeches that are all the caboose right now. Talking about 'undivided Citadel', seems  bit too unreachable for me." He thought for a second, "Alright, Trat. I'll help you... cause I don't feel like waiting around for him to murder everyone who disagrees with his visions."

You tilted your head, "Really? You're sure you can help us? It's a pretty difficult mission."

"Sure as a gun." He played with his revolver for a moment.

"Are you gonna ask for something in return?"

"I mean I was going to ask for some sugar, but then you mentioned yer Rick so I assume that's not happening." He took a swing of his flask, "But you're lucky I'm fine as cream gravy and will gladly raise sand for the hell of it."

"Okay great!" You exclaimed.

He tipped his hat and smiled lightly, "I'll set things up and meet you right here in five hours." You watched as the cowboy went out of sight, going god knows where.

-

A cop Rick with a fair amount of blood on his face walked into the President's office, "I lost her, sir..." he fiddled with his badge, looking very ashamed of himself, "She tricked me and ran away..."

"Why would you think that she would ever go on a date with you? How can you be so stupid?!" Morty smashed another glass on the floor. The Rick wanted to say something, but was shot dead when Morty ordered it.

"I've never seen a Morty that's as fucking heartless as you." Your Rick spoke.

"Yeah? Well, you haven't seen anything yet..." Morty looked out through the window, "Send all police units and search this city. Find. Her. Now."

-

As you continued walking through the shady streets, you thought of something, "Do you want to visit the hospital to see your Morty?"

"I don't think that's a great idea, they'll find you there."

"They won't. It will be okay."

After a short walk you arrived at your destination. The hospital was very large and looked slightly bland and very clean, it was white with large windows all over it. Inside was completely white too with some light gray here and there. You went up the elevator after managing to sneak past the front desk and 'Doofus' went in the room to his Morty while you sat in the dull, white waiting room and looked outside the window. Many police cars rushed along the streets looking for you. 

Some muffled arguing was heard down the hall. A few seconds later a panicked Morty in a hospital gown sprinted past you and started pushing the elevator button repeatedly. "Is something wrong, Sweetie?" you asked.

He turned around and was caught off guard when he saw you, but before he could answer a doctor Rick rushed over and grabbed his arm. Morty started screaming when Rick started dragging him back, "You little shit! Stop trying to leave, you don't have anywhere to go, you hear me? Your Rick doesn't want you anymore and he left you here. You'll be sent to a mega fruit farm next month."

"Hey, don't be so rude, he's just a kid." You stood up and spoke after you saw Morty's eyes start to water.

Rick raised his head to look at you, "What the fuck? Wh- who are you and what are you doing here?"

"I'm just a lady waiting for a friend while also stopping verbal abuse." You crossed your arms. Morty broke loose from his grasp and ran to hide behind you.

"Does the lady have a name?"

"Why do you care?" You narrowed your eyes.

The Rick pointed outside to a building with a giant sign on it, "I don't, but that wanted poster with your face on it says that a pretty penny will be given to the one who finds you." He walked over to where you stood to try and take Morty away, but he gave up after a few unsuccessful tries.

"You're gonna call the cops on me?" You asked.

"I mean... I could, but I just couldn't fucking care less."

You nodded, "Good."

The Rick turned to leave, but stopped when he thought of something, "Actually... you know what? You could so something for me and I promise I won't turn you in."

"What do you want me to do?" You asked, half expecting he would request something very inappropriate.

He took off his stethoscope and medical coat and handed them to you, "Take this, you'll work my shift."

"What?" You looked at him, very confused.

"Take this and do my job. Are you stupid?" He yelled.

You took the things and put on the coat, "What will you do?"

The Rick went in the elevator and waved at you, "Oh, and by the way, don't ever go to the East Wing."

"Wait! I barely have any medical training!" you tried to stop him, but it was too late, "...great."

Cowboy vocabulary: Beef-headed – dull as an ox, Goney & Sonkey – A stupid fellow, Raise Sand – Start trouble, Sugar – Kiss or loving, Sure As A Gun – Absolutely certain, Trat – A pretty girl, All the Caboose – Everywhere