The sun is still setting beautifully. Rami brought us bottles of champagne and I ask Joe to pose in a photo with him. The sky is painted in blue indigo and a soft yellow.
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The yacht moves slowly across the shore. I sit near the safety railing on the edge, dreaming awake. Rami and Joe seem to have a lot to talk about, including me, which makes me smile from ear to ear. After a while talking, Rami sits next to me and Joe climbs the stairs.
"Sorry I didn't know he was actually coming to Norway take a yacht ride with us," he says, passing his arms over my shoulders, bringing my body to his, "I thought it was just going to be the two of us."
"I thought so too, but that's okay, I loved him," I say, looking into his eyes.
"Good, I kind of want you to like my friends," he confesses, turning his eyes away from mine.
I'm intrigued by his comment and it's clear in my expression. "Why wouldn't I?" I ask, calling his attention and making him look at me.
His eyes are nervous and shy, but his smile is wide and excited. I've never seen Rami like this: nervous and excited at the same time. Joe really knows him.
"What is it?" I ask, running my fingers through the strands of his hair. His eyes go back to focusing on mine.
"I like you a lot, I like to stay with you, to talk to you... to kiss you," I smile silly "but that's not enough."
I knew my heart would break again. I knew I was going to continue alone, and he just rented this yacht, to make it less awkward and sad for me. I should never have gone to that date in the first place.
"What do you mean?" I ask, taking my hand off your hair.
"I mean I want more," his big toe rubs my cheek, "I want you for me. I want my girlfriend."
His hand takes away the lock of hair that's flying in front of my face. He caresses my jaw, looking at my mouth, thirsty. My anxiety was about to ruin everything. He just wanted to be able to call me his girlfriend. A relief takes hold of me.
"I thought you'd break up with me," I say, laughing nervously.
"My God, why would I do that? Why would I give up the best partner and person I've ever had? You're talented, you're humorous, you're optimistic... and you're very, very beautiful," he holds my hands as if to convince me of that, "never compare yourself to Ana or any other woman."
Rami is simply the best person I've ever had the chance to share my passions with. Even if we work in the same field, I can talk to him about it without looking like we have the same kind of life, as if it will always be exciting to share my day with him when I get home. He's the person I've always needed. But I think I had to go through abuse and toxicity to be able to not take for granted what God is giving me. Him.
"Oh Rami, I don't know what to say," I say, in pure happiness.
"So don't say anything" his hands wrap around my face and pull me into a kiss, tender, sweet and passionate. Our mouths taste like apple champagne. My body leans towards his, feeling the sparks under his clothes. His tongue is almost frantic, and I don't hate it at all. He seems to need me. Thirsty for me. He just wants to hug me and never let me go again. My fingers cling to his wicks, pulling his mouth impossibly closer to mine. My leg intertwines with his and I feel his hand pulling my waist close to his, which makes me shed a muffled groan from our kiss.
"I'm so lucky to have you," I say, separating our lips.
"I'm lucky to have you," our foreheads lean back, and I face his lips.
"I know I'm complicated and upset about a lot of things, I don't want you to deal with it if it's too much for you, you know? My battles aren't yours, my demons aren't yours and I don't want them".
"Hey," he gropes my face, interrupting me, "now they are. If you can't handle them, I'll help you. Whatever it is." He says.
He doesn't know about the trauma and abuse. He doesn't know the people who really hurt me. I hope I don't have to mention them or remember them.
The noise of the water being divided by the tip of the yacht is soothing. I support my face on Rami's shoulder and feel his essence. His shirt is silky to the touch of my skin. His arms envelop me in a warm, welcoming embrace. And time stopped for us.
