What If.. (Kyungsoo x Nam Jihyun fic)

20: But Tonight

Disclaimer: RATED M RATED M RATED M for s*x and stuff lmao YALL HAVE BEEN WARNED i debated myself for two weeks about this and since i put a voting and yall said yes(mostly) here it is AND ALSO BUCKLE UP YALL THIS IS A LONG CHAPTER!!!!!!! AND if u dont like that sort of stuff i marked d m stuff with "~M~" so its extremely ok to just read the first part then skip ahead to the bolded text that also says ~end of M~

Kyungsoo pulled away again, sighed heavily, and placed his forehead next to Jihyun's. Their unresolved matters bothered him, and for a moment, when they kissed, he almost forgot about the purpose of his visit with the hopes of fixing what was once broken. It was there he realized that he should probably stop.

"Jihyun, the last time we were here... we argued too...I patched you up too....but then you broke up with me." His expression softened as his eyes glistened while looking at her, "So what's this situation now?"

She glanced at how swollen his pink lips were and realized it was her own doing. Come to think of it, she couldn't help herself from biting on his bottom lip whenever she could.

At the same time, she was shocked to hear at what he had just said (to say the very least) and yet she, for some reason, also felt that he was going to bring up their unresolved matters one way or another. She just didn't think that it would be in the middle of a heightened situation.

She moved her head back and her gaze travelled at the sink on her side in the sudden change of mood, thinking about what she should say to him.

He was right, though. After their previous break-up that was filled with nothing but anger and frustration (and a bit of honesty)--the two didn't have a truly 'well-mannered' conversation.

"Jihyun" Kyungsoo lowered his eyes, and his deep voice echoed through the bathroom walls, "I need to know if you still want to be with me. I'm going crazy thinking about you almost everyday and I don't even know if this is something you still want."

Her heart began to feel heavy . She felt for him, and she knew he was hurting. She was hurting too, but she realized she probably hurt him the most and confused him the most. This won't work. I told you this wasn't gonna work. It was you that wanted this--not me! She tried to calculate every possible thing she could have said instead that might have prevented their break-up, but she knew it was already too late to take back all the harsh words that came out of her mouth that night.  She got to thinking---every night and every week without him, that how can one stranger do this to them? How can someone be so terrible enough to destroy a relationship? She kept thinking about how she should have said no to going to the movies that night so they wouldn't have gotten caught.

She was just so eager to kiss him tonight, so eager to touch him, so eager to be lost in his entirety because of the fear of what tomorrow might bring. Loneliness was one of those things and the very fact that she can't be with him because of the 'world'. She tried to think of this--over and over in her head as a temporary get-together, a temporary 'hook-up' if you will and yet everytime she looked him in the eye, kissed him, touched him—-she knew to herself her feelings for him was not less than any of that. The fear was taking over her at this very moment and she felt that if this was the 'last night' with him, she'd do anything to have that, to truly have him...for one night.

Her tears started to fall across her face as the sudden mix of emotions and realization of every unfair thing that happened between them got the best of her.

"Jihyun~ah?" He called on to her for her response, but she faced away from him, but he knew-he knew that she was already crying because she had started to sob.

Kyungsoo took no time in taking her in his arms like he always used to, "Are you alright? What is it? I'm sorry" Kyungsoo spoke softly, his hands stroking gently at her back. He didn't even know what he had said that made her feel like that but he still felt obligated to apologize to her.