athzagoraphobia || m.c

nine

( wattpad deleted this chapter so im going to re do it and make it better and its triggering.)

saturday

4:39pm

they boys left aspen's house earlier all thanking her for the wonderful pizza while she just faked a smile. the fact that she fell asleep on the couch cuddling michael ( which isnt bad at all) ended up giving her a bad back ache.

she walked over to the living room picking up all the garabage the boys made last night and threw it all away. she smiled as her apartment was nice and clean.

she walked towards her bathroom to hopefully take off her dry skin. she turned on the water and wiped water all over her face. she looked at herself in the mirror.

"you'll never be perfect"

she gripped the counter hard taking a deep breaths. worst thing about being in her state is the voices.

oh how she would love to make the voices leave her head and stop attacking her. she knew they would never leave unless she does what they want.

for her to hurt herself.

she hated hurting herself since she would always have to cover it up. its just another item to be added i what she hates about herself list.

more attacking words starting playing in her head and she opened the cabinet door. she grabbed her box of razors and looked at them as the voices grew louder.

she finally had enough and sliced her wrist.

at the end she ended with 18 cuts in both arms.

eight for her phobia

four for her body and looks.

five for everything she has lost

one for her crush on michael.

when she looked at her bloody arms, she began sobbing. she couldnt take it anymore and just wanted to die. she hated everything. espically herself.

she heard the door open of the bathroom and didnt care who wrapped her arms around her and cleaned them. she just wanted to hideaway of her embaressment and leave the face of the earth.

michael took the broken girl into her bed and put her to sleep. he stayed next to her wrapping an arm around her. he never knew she was so broken but then again.

the quietest ones are the most saddest and sucidal.

-

i hate writing this but i need to since its part of my ideas of the book.