My Silver Lining

Staying Strong

JEMA'S POV

Nasa dining table ako ngayon. Absentmindedly eating cereal.

In my other hand is a crumpled note.

Hindi ko nalalasahan ang kinakain ko at mas lalong ang hirap lunukin lalo na at parang may nagbabara sa lalamunan ko.

I feel like I'm dreaming. Like any moment now gigising ako and everything will be just like the way they were.

That I'll wake up to to find her beside me.

Nag antay ako pero hindi dumating yon.

I guess this is my reality now.

How can you wake up from a nightmare if you're not even asleep?

Nagising ako kanina ng natataranta kasi maliwanag na sa labas.

Nag alala pa ako kasi ma lalate na sya sa flight nya pero wala nang Deanna Wong na bumungad sa akin.

Wala na din yung mga gamit nya.

Nilibot ko pa ang condo para hanapin sya pero wala.

Di na rin ma contact.

Until I found her note.

"You know how much I love you and that's the very reason why I'm letting you go. I know you'll be happier with her. Alam ko naman na minahal mo rin ako but I also know that I deserve a love that's mine and mine alone. Please take care of yourself"

What the actual fuck?

Yun lang? Ganun ganun nalang?

Ganyan ba talaga ako kadaling iwan?

Paulit ulit kong binasa yung note sa pagbabakasakaling maintindihan ko kung bakit nya masasabi yon.

Pero wala eh. The only thing I can think of is that incident with Fhen.

Maybe she found out for some reason.

Oo may kasalanan din ako. Sana sinabi ko nalang sa kanya yung nangyari para di lumabas na may tinatago ako. But is that really enough for her to walk away just like that?

Is it a valid reason para iwan nya ako ng ganun ganun nalang without letting me explain my side?

Or maybe it's a different reason. Baka may kulang sa akin. Maybe she just wants an excuse to get out of the relationship.

Binigay ko naman sa kanya lahat pero ba't ganon? Ba't ang dali lang para sa kanya?

Gusto kong umiyak pero walang luha na dumating. I just feel numb. Hindi pa rin completely nag sisink in yung nangyari. It's just utter disbelief.

Masakit? Oo sobra. I can feel every piece of my heart break all over again.

But now I have to decide. Will I let myself slip into darkness again or will I use this time to create the best version of myself?

I prefer the latter. Napagdaanan ko na to before and I've learned my lesson.

I learned that life goes on with or without you.

Hindi titigil ang mundo para sayo.

Pero iba kay Deanna eh. What I had with her was different.

I tried to contact her pero pati online, it's either she blocked me or nag deactivate sya ng account.

How can I move on kung hindi ko naman alam kung ano talaga ang dahilan?