F1, F2 & F3 : Finished

• Lewis H•

It had been three months since Lewis had gotten back from a weekend away in New York meaning it had been three months since he was jumpy and awkward around me, barely meeting me in the eye and almost never showing me any love or attention apart from a few kisses to the forehead in the morning and a quick cuddle at night before rolling over to face the other way. It also meant three months without sex but let's focus on the more important things I guess; Lewis was hiding something. After 4 years or being together I knew when he was hiding something, usually it was a nice and romantic surprise: a weekend getaway, a new car or a simple yet thoughtful booking in one of my favourite restaurants. Yet, this time it felt different ; an uneasy feeling had settled over the house since his return from New York like a cloud of worry,doubt and suspicion.

•••

I shrugged my discomfort away and turned my attention back to my thrilling and captivating tv show... Khloe was currently screaming at Kim about a shady tweet as Kourtney watched on in glee. However, their screaming match was interrupted by a breaking news segment from E! News.

"So for our lovely viewers today we have baby news! Our favourite pop singing girl is expecting, that's right, Rita Ora was sporting a baby bump today as she made her way into the studio with her signature smile, we are so happy for her but one question Rita, who's the baby daddy?"

The outro played and it was back to the Kardashian household as the two sisters were now hugging it out, I was shocked by the news that Rita was pregnant, despite her being an ex of Lewis they were on good terms, I was surprised she hadn't told us yet.

"Hey Lew, I didn't know Rita was pregnant did you?" I called upstairs, he didn't reply, probably absorbed in whatever rigorous training he was doing.

I sighed softly, children were a tough issue for me and Lewis to discuss. We had been trying for many months but nothing. It broke his heart to see fellow drivers around the pitlane with their children, embracing a special moment with their Dad as he got in the car. I often caught Lewis watching the happy families like the Raikkonen's or the Perez's with their children and mumbling a soft,

"That could me." under his breath.

It destroyed me knowing we both wanted a child so badly but I knew it was only a matter of time. I slowly tread upstairs to find Lewis lay on our bed scrolling through his phone; so no, he hadn't not heard me he was just ignoring me.

"Hey." I said with a small smile, slowly making my way over and perching at the end of the bed.

He looked at me with wide eyes and simply nodded.

"I know it must be hard for you seeing that Rita is pregnant but I promise you that will be us soon." I said in a reassuring tone.

He sighed heavily, set down his phone and sat up,

"We need to talk y/n."

He said in a slow, almost sombre voice, I nodded in reply, feeling the concern wash over my body, clearly becoming visible on my face.

"When I was in New York for my shoot, I went to an after party and saw Rita , we got extremely drunk, we were both so drunk you have to understand that and-"

I cut him off, already knowing what he was going to say:

"It doesn't matter if you were drunk or not Lewis you have control over who you are and who you are with!" I state, anger bubbling up as the realisation dawned on me.

"Look it wasn't like I knew what I was doing, it was a blur and the way she was talking it was like we were both back together-"

"So you had a nice trip down memory lane and slept with her?" I scoffed,

"No...well... yes but it was a mistake and the next day I felt so guilty and when she told me about the baby a few weeks after-"

"Wait, you knew, you knew all this time she was pregnant with your baby and you didn't tell me!" I shouted, standing up off the bed in fury,

"I came up here to console you about your ex having a baby, that oh, don't worry that will be us soon, I love you Lewis and how I'm so hashtag blessed to have you in my life and you tell me not only did you sleep with another woman, you got her pregnant and that you could of told me three months ago but didn't."

"So if I told you three months ago you would of stayed with me, looked after that baby as if it was your own?"

He practically sneered at me, also rising from the bed,

"You know Lewis, maybe I would have, I know that baby wouldn't of been mine but it would of been yours and for me that could of been enough, just for a second I might have closed my eyes as I held yours and Ritas child, glimpsing at a life I could of given you but the fact you only told me today, three months after putting me through misery and wondering what the hell I did wrong, wondering what else I could do... wondering why you didn't love me anymore."

My voice broke, he looked at me in shock,

"Y/N I love you so much, god it's unbelievable how much I love you sometimes , the only reason I didn't tell you was because I thought the timing wasn't right and it was already tearing us apart that you wouldn't get pregnant!" He exclaimed , grabbing my hand and enclosing it in his, I chocked back a sob, ripping my hand out of his grasp and clutching it to my chest,

"You are what tore us apart, nothing else, but you!"

I cried, tears streaming down my face, I rushed to the wardrobe, rolling my suitcase out of it and hurriedly throwing my clothes in it, I heard him shouting at me, telling me he needs me and I can't go, we can raise the baby together but I blanked him out and hurried downstairs,

"I'll deny the baby is mine." he stated, following me to the door,

"You've made your grave Lewis, go lie in it."

I spat harshly at him, swinging open the door before turning to him one last time,

"When you see that baby and hold it for the first time, when you take it to the paddock and introduce it as your son or daughter, when it grows up and you have successfully raised a child, every time you look at your child you should think of me, living a life somewhere else and thank me for leaving for right now... do the right thing Lewis, treat Rita in every single way you didn't treat me... with love.

And with that I was gone driving away from a life that for so long I had loved but so quickly lost. I managed to block all and any content that contained Lewis and Rita and their new baby girl but five years on as I look over at my new darling of a husband and prince of a baby boy I finally feel at home...