The Triplets' Guides (Original Version)

Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained: Stan's Tattoo

The camera flickered on, revealing Dipper, who was standing in front of it, and also a hand close to the camera lens that was pretending to eat his head.

"Cweh! Cweh!"

"Hello, I'm Dipper Pines" Dipper introduced himself. "The girl trying to crush my head is Mabel."

Mabel waved her hand at the camera.

"I'm helping!"

Dipper went back to what he had been saying before.

"Today, on Dipper's guide to the unexplained..."

Mabel started to try and crush his head again, which Dipper finally waved her hand away in response.

"Ok, that's enough" he said. "Today we investigate anomaly number twenty three: Grunkle Stan's secret tattoo."

Mabel panned the camera to the right, revealing Mara, who was holding up a large cork board with several photos of Stan's tattoo pinned to them, along with the dates that the pictures were taken.

Mara grinned at the camera.

"I may or may not be here because I blew up the easel."

"What is he hiding? A college prank? Secret symbol? Or something stranger?" Dipper was saying. "Stan claims it doesn't exist. But today, we're going to find out."

"Right after another episode of...what's under Mabel's bandage!" Mabel chimed, as she panned the camera down to her knees, revealing a pink band-aid on her thigh.

She hummed cheerfully as she started to pull the bandage off.
"Ew, Mabel!"

Dipper was now in the living room of the Mystery Shack with Soos, right next to the thermostat on the wall.

"Ok, here's the plan" he said. "Stan never takes off his undershirt."

He ran up close to the camera dramatically.

"Obviously to hide his tattoo."

He then ran back up to the thermostat.

"But me and Soos are about to 'turn up the heat' on this mystery."

Soos laughed as Dipper started to raise the temperature on the thermostat until it was at one hundred degrees.

"Ha! Literally!" he said. "I love how you come up with stuff like that."

Soos entered the gift shop, where Stan was squinting at a book. There were beads of sweat already forming on his forehead.

"Whoo! Hot in here today, huh, Mr. Pines?" said Soos, as he started to fan himself. He turned towards the hidden camera, and winked as he shot it a secret thumbs up.

"Probably be a lot cooler if we...worked without our shirts on!"

Soos suddenly pulled off his shirt, and tossed it aside onto the floor, exposing his rather plump body.

"Am I right?"

"Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on" said Stan.

"Oh, don't be shy, Mr. Pines" Soos reassured, as he climbed up onto the counter and laid down on his side, revealing his large bare torso. "Bodies are nothing to be ashamed of."

"Watch the shop for a minute, Soos" said Stan grumpily, as he started to walk away. "I need to find a melon baller and pull my eyeballs out."

Soos sat up onto the counter, before looking at his belly and gripping onto its fat.

"Do do do do do do! Do do do do do! Hey!" he sang. "Da Da Da Da Da!"

Dipper was now in the TV room, looking urgently into the camera.

"Ok, plan B."

He panned the camera towards Stan, who was sitting in the couch.

"Heavens! Is that poison oak on your shoulder?" said Dipper in a "conspicuous" way. "Let me scratch it for you!"

He reached his hand out towards Stan's shoulder, but Stan slapped it away.

"Kid if you're trying to see my tattoo, you've gonna have to try harder than that."

Dipper pointed at him triumphantly.

"Ah ha! I thought you said you didn't have a tattoo!"

"I don't, but you do" said Stan, as he used one hand to raise up a red marker.

Dipper didn't understand at first.

"What do you mean I-"

Stan started to come closer towards him with that marker in his hand.

Dipper finally understood.

"Aaahhhhh!"

Dipper was standing in the hallway when he finally turned the camera back on, the word 'GOOBER' written across his forehead in permanent red marker.

"Alright, plan C" he said. "Stan's in the shower. I wish it hadn't come to this, but sometimes you've got to do terrible things for science."

Dipper started to make his way towards the bathroom door, when Mara suddenly grabbed his arm.

"Wait, Dipper!"

Dipper looked at her admiringly.

"Don't worry, little sister, I'll be back" he said with a serious voice.

"Actually, I was just going to ask if I could have your appendix if you don't come back. Seeing that you'd no longer have any use for it" said Mara, shrugging as a frowning Dipper pulled his arm out of her grasp.

"I believe in you, Goober!" said Mabel.

Dipper frowned.

"Dipper, just say Dipper."

He directed the camera towards the bathroom door, and opened it slowly. He pushed through the steam until he made it to the shower curtain, which he ripped open.

He was greeted by more steam, and when it finally cleared Stan was standing there, fully clothed and looking at Dipper with a hard glare.

"You're never gonna see it, kid" he said, as the shower water poured over him. "Never. Gonna. See it."

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Give me that camera!"

Dipper screamed as Stan lunged towards him.

Dipper was now sitting on the roof of the Mystery Shack.

"So, I figured that I'd just chill out on the roof for a while..."

"I'M GONNA FIND YOU, KID!!!" Grunkle Stan's voice echoed, so loudly that several birds flew up into the air.

Dipper looked back at the camera.

"Well, that's it for this episode" he said. "Stan's tattoo is still a mystery, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be uncovered."

Soos was still sitting on the counter in the gift shop playing with his belly fat.

"Do do do do do do! Do! Do do do do do!"