The Triplets' Guides (Original Version)

Mara's Guide to Mystery Rays

The camera flickered on, revealing Mara in her shed, her face REALLY close to the camera lens.

"Is this thing on?" she said to it, as she tried to attach the camera to its tripod. Thinking she had finally figured it out, she stepped backward so that the camera could see her entire top half.

"Testing testing, one two three..."

The camera suddenly fell from the tripod, and landed on the ground, recording Mara's cargo boots from a sideways perspective as she made her way over towards it.

"Well, that's not it."

A few hours later, Mara turned on the camera once again, and took several steps backwards with her hands on her hips as she admired her handiwork proudly.

"That's much better" she said, as she tossed a roll of duct tape into the air with one hand. "Duct tape really can fix everything."

She tossed the roll of duct tape into the air one last time, only for the roll to crash right through the wooden ceiling of the shed, creating a new hole where rain from outside was already starting to pour through.

Mara turned her attention back towards the camera.

"I'll fix that later. Anyways, today is Mara's guide to...the mystery ray!"

She panned the camera to the side, revealing a massive blaster of some sort sitting on a wooden chair.

"What does it do, you ask?" she said. "That's a very good question...that I don't really have answer to. But we're about to find out with the help of a volunteer guinea pig..."

Mara walked up to Mabel, who was chasing Waddles around outside the Mystery Shack.

"Hey, Mabel!" she said cheerfully. "I was wondering if you'd like to-"

"Nope!" Mabel interrupted as she ran right past her sister, knowing exactly what she was going to ask.

Mara walked up to Dipper, who was sitting on the counter reading Journal #3 in the gift shop.

"Hiyya, Dipper!" she said charmingly. "How would you like the honor of being my-"

"No" Dipper interrupted, not even looking up from the book.

Mara walked up to Stan, who was watching TV in the living room. She opened her mouth, about to ask him the same question.

"Not gonna happen" Stan said, before she could even speak. He took a long sip from his Pitt cola.

"Aw, come on!"

"...which is me" Mara finished, addressing the camera back in the present time in her shed. "Ok, here we go."

She pressed several buttons and flipped a few switches on the mystery ray, which started to whir to life.

Mara then took several steps backwards, standing about five feet in front of the mystery ray.

"And now in the ten seconds that it takes for this machine to get warmed up, I will now dictate my will in case this thing happens to be a death ray."

She put her hands behind her back, as if she was dictating something formally.

"To Mabel, I give my emergency stash of cash, located in a watertight lockbox in the attic's toilet tank. You might get a little dirty, but hey three bucks is totally worth digging through endless toilet sludge.

To Dipper...uh..."

Mara looked around the room, trying to find a something that would suffice. She reached over towards her working table, and picked up a rather moldy half eaten burrito.