is this abuse?

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Okay.... So this contains pedophilia, antagonization, jealousy, suicide, and abuse so if you are sensitive to that content, I'll see you next chapter but... I need to talk to someone.... Just.... Anyone.... Let's start with the pedophilia. My grandfather might be a pedophile. So, he's always shirtless. Kinda harmless, right. He tries to talk to my friends sometimes and he flirt with my school staff. He will sit in his own filth and in his underwear and when my sister is around, he will tell her to sit in his lap. He did that to me when I was little, too! Now before you say "he is just being protective!" When I try to hang out with my sister, he always says "no. Stay here, Lydia." (That's my sister's name.) Like, she's my sister, let me hang out with her. Yes, I'm jealous of my sister. I've always been in the shadows and I'm constantly just... There. Nobody invites me places so whenever I get asked, I turn it down because I know my sister will be there and everyone will fawn over her. She legit bullies me. Like, she hits, kicks, scratches, punches, and bites me but when I gently push her off of me, I'm all of a sudden the villain. She never gets punished and I am always getting threatened with beatings and stuff like that. I'm scared because I don't want to get taken away to a foster home. I don't want to transfer schools. I don't want to be away from my friends. I know that in school, I just look like that one quiet kid who jokes about shooting up the school, getting abused by my father, him leaving and stuff like that but deep down, it actually hurts. I'm extremely self conscious and I get bullied. I don't know what to do. I'm literally at the brink of ending my life. I might just snap and do it tonight. Except one thing...

I'm too scared. I want to be with my other sister, Linnea again. Everyone I love dies. I push people away and in bad luck because nobody loves me. I'm too scared of the other side. I don't want to leave yet. Even though no one likes me, I want to make a good impact on earth. In school, when I say I want to die, I most likely mean it because as you know, I have depression. If you didn't, now you do. Wow I'm a depressing person. I try to make others laugh but when no one does, it genuinely hurts me. I want to make people laugh so they don't feel sad around trash like me. But anyways, I know nobody cares because you only want to read the chapters and I know it'll only get 3 reads but whoever reads this, thank you. At least someone somewhere kind of cares.

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