Pleasure ~ Jenlisa

Pleasure

Epilogue

Jennie Pov

I turned the key over in my hand, still trying to decide its meaning. But it's existence was as fathomable to me as Lisa's absence from my life. Two weeks later and I was still trying to convince myself that I had done the right thing. There'd been no word from her. No phone calls. My only contact with her was on the cover of whatever tabloid she'd landed on each day. Lisa wasn't certainly sitting at home and forcing herself to eat and get dressed every morning. She hadn't forgotten how to breathe without me. In fact, the only indication I had that she regretted what had happened in Norfolk was this brass key.

Rośe poked her head into my room and found me curled up in bed. "You can't go."

"I just wish I knew what it meant." I admitted, my fingers closing over the notched blade as I wondered once again what it opened. Rośe was right though. The only thing I knew for certain about this key was where it came from. It had arrived mid-week in a cream envelope sealed with a red wax stamp that set my heart racing. But there had been no explanation included. No apology. No plea for another chance. The envelope had simply contained this key and a note card with an address and tomorrow's date scrawled across it. I didn't have to look up the address, because I recognized the name of the quiet street in Notting Hill. What I didn't know was what waited for me if I went there.

There was no doubt that Rośe wanted me to stay away because she was really angry at Lisa. But the real reason I couldn't bring myself to go was because as long as I stayed away, the key could opened anything. It was pathetic, and I knew it. Still, that small silver of hope was my lifeline.

"What would you do if you saw her?" She asked, coming to sit next to me. I shrugged, blowing a thin stream of air through my lips in an effort to steady myself. I'd not yet reached the point where I didn't want to cry at the mention of Lisa. "Maybe I'd ask her why." I said in a small voice.

"Why she kept seeing me? Why she doesn't love me?" Rośe draped her arm over my shoulder and hugged me close. "Do you think she'd actually tell you?"

"Probably not." I admitted. "I feel so stupid for thinking it meant more to her, too."

"Uh-uh." Rośe clucked. "Falling inlove isn't stupid."

"It is when you always choose the wrong person." I said.

"You're human, Jen, and you've made mistakes in the past. But I saw how cautious you were after you left Kai. If you chose Lisa, there was a reason for it." She said softly. "Maybe you can't see that right now, but you will someday. And even if Lisa's too dense to realize what she had, remember that she helped show you that you are strong. Stronger than you thought."

"I wish that lesson hadn't been quite so painful." I croaked as the tears I'd been fighting to hold broke through. Rośe kissed my cheek. "You're strong enough to survive this."

I hope that she was right. It felt as though I'd walked through fire that stripped my skin and left me exposed.

Raw and vulnerable.

Walking, eating, existing every moment was agonizing. I didn't feel strong. All I felt was this perpetual cycle of despair. Each morning I remembered that it was over, and my heart shattered again. I spent the day gathering the fragments and trying to piece myself back together. Maybe Rośe was right, and I would survive this. Maybe the piercing anguish would fade into the dull ache of regret. But I knew one thing: there was no getting over Lisa.

"I didn't even see it happening until it was too late. I mean.. I guess you never know when you're making love to someone for the last time." I couldn't quite shake the regret I felt over how we'd spent our final moments together.