BILLIE EILISH// NO ESCAPE

Chapter 12- Control

"Welcome love birds" Denzel said, teasing Billie and I.

"Bro chill." Billie said, laughing. We sat next to each other on the floor with everyone else.

"Chill for what? We know y'all fucked." Dillon said, being a loudmouth per usual. First of all, that hasn't happened. It almost happened, but they don't need to know that.

"Well it's not like it's any of your concern but, we haven't fucked and we aren't dating." I said, growing nervous. Billie grabbed my hand reassuring me. I want to be with Billie, but we haven't really talked much about it.

"We are just talking, and exploring the idea of dating, no need to put a label on it. It's not something we want to put out there yet." She said, cutting her eyes at me for confirmation that she was saying the right things. She was, and I'm glad that our communication has been good between us for the most part.

"Well I'll be damned! y'all have slept in the same bed more than three times! You guys went to Puerto Rico together for a weekend! You're holding hands and shit now, but y'all aren't dating? Okay, go off I guess." Roni said, feeling a type of way. She knows better than anyone else why we aren't dating yet. However, Roni knows me better than anyone else, and she knows exactly why Billie and I aren't dating. I'm no good for her, no matter what I do, or what she does. She will find someone better, and when she does, I'll be happy. All of this is strictly temporary, so why not enjoy the ride.

"Adre, you good?" Billie said, grabbing my hand. I realized I let my negative mindset zone out.

"Yeah. I was just thinking. Who's ready to get exposed tonight?" I said, brushing off my feelings quickly, before the night continued. Nobody can know what's going on inside my head, except Roni. She has no choice but to know. That's what sucks about us being linked, she just knows, and there's nothing she or I can do about it. I look up at her and she gives me a sad smile.

—

"Alright guys shut tf up and listen... listen up." Roni said holding a drink in her hand.

We had been playing never have I ever, Dirty Uno, Cards against humanity, and now truth or dare. Everything else was chill, well for me at least. I did a body shot on Billie. She gave me a hickey in front of everyone, which was really funny. I admire how adorable she is, and I feel bad for not letting her in as much as I want to. My mind can be scary, and it's just a lot to handle at times. It's fucked up, and I've only been giving her the deep shit I want her to know. All I want is to feel like I have control over my mind, the only thing I have control over is my profession, future, and body. My insecurities, bullying, secrets, depression, anxiety, are things I can handle most times, but not all the time. Even though I've told her vulnerable information, I can't tell her how I feel about love. It's funny because, when love ever is brought up between the two of us, it's quickly brushed off. I guess both of us find it to be a sensitive subject. I know that I have a confident, and tough front built up. In all actuality, I've got hella baggage.

"Bitch snap tf out of it! You're killing the mood!" Dillon screamed. I shot her a look, but then quickly gave her a smile.

"Adre, truth or dare?" Denzel asked.

"Truth." I said, not thinking much of it.

"Have you ever done anything sexual with Billie?" Denzel asked, taking a sip from his cup.

I looked over to Billie and she gave me an "I don't care" type of look. So I guess that was code for, it's all good to tell the guys. I mean it's not going anywhere, and I trust everyone in the room.

"Yes." I said, taking a sip from my cup with a smirk. Dillon spit out whatever she was drinking everywhere, Roni choked on air, Klaus is screaming, Denzel's jaw is wide open, and Billie is laughing hysterically.