The Tomes of Allagan: Vol. 1

I Hate Goodbyes

What is this pain inside?
Causing feelings that I can't hide.
If I had a tear for everytime I said goodbye,
I'd drown in an ocean of all the tears I've cried.
If I could see y'all for another day,
I do anything to get y'all to stay.
I remember every name and every face,
Stuck with me like these feelings that can't be erased.
I know I try to smile and laugh a while,
You've probably got positive all over my file.
But the truth is I miss you all,
Each of you the bricks that made up my wall.
Each brick that made me strong,
Saying goodbye? I've never been so wrong.
Thinking of the people gone and how I'll never get them back,
Thinking of the people now and how they're next to go is whack.
I want them back, believe I've tried,
From myself I just wanna hide.
I hate goodbyes more than anything,
I need my friends y'all are my everything.
I wanna meet them all again and tell them everything I've said,
I'll never get that chance cause some are gone and others dead.
I keep their memories with me forever,
Remembering their smiles always made me feel better.
I want to say I'm sorry and tell them I take it back,
I tell them I'm the train that needs it tracks.
My chest hurts daily cause of this pain I bear,
Each days it gets worse and gives me quite a scare.
I'm afraid of more goodbyes,
I don't want to lose my girls and guys.
Don't make me say it cause you know I hate those words,
I'm my biggest enemy cause I'm the reason they're ever heard.
I fuck up everytime and it always costs me dearly,
With all the stress on my body it's making me weary.
Sometimes I have to think is this all really worth it?
Maybe I should just give the game of life and quit.
I know if I keep going there will be more goodbyes,
I know with every saying more tears are pouring from my eyes.
I hate myself and who I am,
I'll shout it from my diaphragm.
I'm the reason they're all gone,
Do I really want to go on?
Dear friends of mine that exist only in the past,
Know the happiness you brought me was everlast.
Dear friends of mine that exist in the present,
Everyday I spend with y'all is pleasant.
Dear friends of mine that exist in the future,
When I fall apart you each will be my suture.
I just want one more day,
So y'all can hear what I've to say.
I'm sorry for the goodbye,
That's always been my biggest lie.
Wanting you to leave me,
Causes wounds that always bleed.
The truth is I want you to stay,
Don't ever leave me and I promise I'll obey.
I want to laugh for real and to once again feel joy,
Laughing with my friends full of girls and boys.
Come back to me because I'm scared,
Constantly enduring this living nightmare.
I don't understand why this means so much to me,
All I know is you all make my heart feel free.
I love you all and miss you so much,
I hope you don't mind that you're my crutch.
You'd be surprised what keeps me going,
Is the hope I'll see y'all again after growing.
I want to say see you later but it always comes out goodbye,
I hate I can't change it and because of this I cry.
While I'll never get y'all back in the real world,
You all make up my dreamworld.