Blood (Levi x Reader)

31. ** You Deserve Better **

Levi's grip on my arm stemmed from a severe fear of abandonment, terrified by his past of forever being left alone to deal with overwhelmingly complicated feelings in dire situations. After I had muttered such life-altering words, it seemed he couldn't bear for me to leave him to process such a confession in solitude. His eyes were clouded over with tears as he stared at the refining bathwater slowly lapping against my stomach. Both of us shuddered in silence, finding ourselves utterly speechless.

I couldn't tell what Levi was feeling, other than an overwhelming amount of fear. I searched his face for the meaning behind each tear that slipped down his cheek, but only became more worried when he closed his eyes, lowered his head and released my arm. He looked so broken, clearly fighting an internal battle before me. Seeing him in such a forlorn state was too much for my heart to handle. So, surrendering with a sigh, I situated myself before Levi, lowering back down into the water, as I reached for his tear-stained face. I could feel him flinch slightly as the skin of my palms met his cheeks, but he did not pull away.

"Levi...?"

The sound of my voice speaking his name with such concern caused his eyes to open, revealing his gorgeous grey stare. Before my quivering lips could open to speak again, Levi mirrored my actions, placing his hands along my jawline. With a sudden sense of urgency, Levi desperately pulled me into a frantic, passionate kiss, buried under a clenched jaw that failed at holding back more tears. Cries of relief burst from my throat, silenced only when our lips pressed breathlessly together. Our hands released their fearful hold as I collapsed into Levi's enduring embrace. I sobbed uncontrollably as we feverishly kissed one another between each shaky gasp for air. The intense need to hold Levi closer to my soul was incredibly powerful, yet physically impossible. It was as if we couldn't fully envelop the other enough, wanting to smother the angst and agony we had experienced in those few painstakingly tense moments. We had been so afraid to speak because we dreaded what the other would say.

Once Levi's forehead tumbled down with exhaustion to nuzzle the crook of my neck, I inhaled sweet oxygen deeply through my nose with a newfound sense of pride. Cradling Levi's head lovingly, I pressed a soft kiss into his jet black hair, just above his ear. Slowly lifting his gaze, Levi pushed my wet hair from my face, then gently caressed my cheek with his thumb.

"(F/N)... you will be the most amazing mother...to our child..."

I tearfully blushed at Levi's tender words, knowing how rare it was for him to speak in such a way. My eyes followed Levi's fingertips as they slowly made their way down to my abdomen. A slight hesitation caused Levi to pause right before stopping at my womb, but I took his hand and allowed his palm to rest over where our child was growing inside of me; the child that would make him a father. Placing his other hand upon my belly, he held his whole world and shook his head in disbelief.

"I never thought this cruel world would ever allow me to know such happiness...I always thought the best thing I could do for the future was provide protection to those who couldn't protect themselves, even if that meant dying so they could live... but for my legacy to continue now, even after I'm gone? Through a little brat that we made?" Levi paused and dropped his hands into the water, returning to a sullen expression. "Tch, what gives me the right to create life when I have destroyed so many?"

I watched Levi struggle with how he was supposed to respond to such elation and joy; It was a rare occurrence for him to experience such a beautiful emotion. He was visibly uncomfortable with it, so he reverted back to the only way he knew how to process everything.

Placing a sweet kiss upon Levi's cheek, I smiled at him warmly. "You have every right in the world to be happy, Levi... Especially you. After everything you have been through... You deserve better than the shitty hand life has dealt you. We both do, I guess."

Curling his arms around my frame, Levi tugged me back into a strong embrace, holding me against him tightly, refusing to let go until the water got cold. Once we finally drained the tub, Levi wrapped a fresh towel around my shoulders and kissed my forehead. After draping his own towel around his waist, he took my hand and helped me to the floor. We swiftly made our way back into our bedroom where we could dry off and get dressed by the crackling fire. There, we noticed two trays of food had been placed just inside our door, along with a steaming pot of tea. We were grateful for the unobtrusive and courteous drop-off, as we were both ravenously hungry and absolutely not up for any type of visitors.

Levi began pouring black tea into both of the small cups provided to us but paused as he filled the second. "Oi. I don't know much about... all this. Is tea okay?"

I smiled, finding Levi's already genuine concern for my well-being quite adorable.

"Yes, I doubt one cup of tea will hurt."

"I can ask for something else-"

"Levi, it's okay. Really. Tea is fine."

With a flustered huff, Levi turned to finish pouring my hot beverage before handing it to me. I thanked him for my drink, then settled down onto the chair before our small table where we would dine. We ate our meal in silence, but not for lack of conversational topics. I seemed to inhale my food faster than Levi could blink, and he noticed me eyeing what remained on his plate.

"Tch, you're something else."

Chewing my last bite, I raised my eyes from the food to meet Levi’s gaze. There was a subtle new shine hiding behind the usual hazy gray hue that painted his stare. I could feel myself falling for him all over again, as a rush of intense heat washed over me, followed by an unexpected chill.  It was like my body wasn’t sure how to respond to such intense emotion, both emanating towards me and radiating from within. Gently placing my fork onto my immaculate plate, I reached out my hands, palms open to receive. Levi watched me curiously, then finished his sip of tea, before placing his hands in mine. Responding with a grateful squeeze, we both stood from the table and wandered over to our bed.

Levi slowly and carefully guided me down onto the bed and pulled the sheets and comforter over our bodies. Snuggling close to Levi’s chest, I hummed happily and nuzzled against his skin. I started to sink into his scent but was taken aback by him suddenly wriggling himself from my grasp. The covers were pushed to my hips as Levi maneuvered his body lower along the mattress. My face flushed as he traveled down further, but I gasped in surprise when he rested his forehead against my midsection, clutching at my sides. Once I understood Levi's intention, I exhaled in contentment and slowly began to run my fingers through his soft black hair.

My ears had begun to adjust to the piercing silence of the room when I noticed a faint whisper passing over Levi's lips, reverberating against my skin. Curling my spine to drop my head closer, I tuned in to listen carefully. When his words became audible, a lump immediately formed in my throat.

"... I know I don't have much to go off of, but I can promise you this: I won't allow your life to be anything like mine. You will never know the sting of pain caused by abandonment. You will never fear death from starvation. I swear that I will always protect you and your mother. And I will fight... so that maybe...just maybe... you never have to…"