Chapter Eleven: Show must go on

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Picture: "All the world's a stage" and so on.

My life can't get any better.

Great fact number one: Malik's disdain towards lill' ol' me is quickly escalating. Worst thing is, I can actually understand his contempt. I would despise him too, if I thought he was dating Lucas. Talk about poor tastes in men.

The boy was always too kind for his own good.

Great fact number two: I accidentally projected my thoughts to Kyle last time, and now I can only pray he won't tell his mates where I am. I haven't heard about them so far, though, so maybe he doesn't know my exact location or, even better, he doesn't want a slow, painful death for me.

Great fact number three: a vampire is feeding from me several times a week and the side-effects are not very encouraging. I feel faint all the time, I have strong headaches and the skin on my neck is taking a weird color: a disgusting mixture of orange, brown and purple. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Bullshit. What doesn't kill you will kill you later.

Great fact number four, and then I will stop because I could go on forever with that list: I have to pretend Lucas and I are in a relationship and this is actually much harder than I thought. I hate the idea of everyone thinking I would choose someone so wicked to be my boyfriend.

Who the hell call their son Lucas anyway? Lucas are always fuckboys in bxb stories. I apologise in advance to all the Lucas in the world, who will most certainly be mentally destroyed by my harsh words, but it's true. Lucas and Jennifer, the evil duo in teens' TV shows.

Weirdly enough, the thing that worries me the most is the possibility of Malik ignoring me again like he used to. I know that there are more concerning things in my life but still, I can't help thinking about the young brat all the time.

Is he really mad at me?

What does he think about my so-called relationship with Lucas?

More importantly, will he forgive me one day?

To be honest, I am aware that I am giving him too much important, as I haven't known him for very long.

Also, I do believe it's unhealthy when you desperately want to please other persons. If you are happy with yourself, then the rest should hardly matter.

Still, I want his eyes on me. I want him to talk to me. I want him to touch me, and not just in a sexual way.

Maybe it's the reason why I have been acting in such a disrespectful and impolite way toward him for the last few days, although I know he is already mad at me and that I shouldn't piss him off further.

It was quite funny to watch, though. He didn't say anything to my blattant little shows of disrespect, but I could tell he wanted nothing more than to yell at me and put me in my place.

Since he entered in my life, I found myself aching once again for things I shouldn't want.

Someone that I could rely on, and who, in turn, wouldn't hesitate to share his most intimate thoughts with me.

Someone who would hold me at night, worries about me when I am sick, and help me to become a better person.

At the same time, these feelings frighten me and sometimes I wish I had never met him, because I am so used to be alone. Being on my own is comfortable, most of the time, while the idea of being in a relationship sounds exausting.

But yeah, it's not like he asked me out or anything of the sort anyway, so why am I loosing so much time thinking about relationships and stuff?

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