F**k it, I love you. | Lana + Marina

Chapter Three

Lana's Point of View

. . .

I still cannot believe I was clumsy enough to make Marina - who must have just arrived into town - collapse on the ground this morning. It's usually not like me to be so unaware of my surroundings. I sincerely hope she's not mad at me, and I'm sure I made myself look like a complete idiot. Really not an ideal way to make a first impression after so many years of distance. I'll just have to make it up to her, as I told her I would.

"What's on your mind, sis?" Chuck questions. She looks over at me from the driver's seat. We're making our way up from Culver City, where I had been working with Jack Antonoff on new tunes for the upcoming record.

"Nothing, just eager to get home." I must have looked as if I were in deep thought for her to ask that question.

"You sure?" She begins, "You've been awfully quiet this afternoon."

"I'm fine," I force a small smile, "Just tired."

Chuck nods. I look over at the dash clock. 8:15pm. One would think rush hour would be over by now, but never here. We've barely made it through Westwood, which in my mind marks the halfway point to home from Jack's studio. I take a hit of my vape before encouraging myself to properly converse my thoughts,

"Chuck?" I keep my head forward while questioning her name.

"Mmhm?" 

"I just, well-" I pause, searching for words, "I hope I didn't upset Marina earlier." I feel Chuck smile as I mention Marina's name, as if she figured out why I had been silent all day, "She seemed a bit frightened when I ran into her. And it was a bit shocking to see her again..."

"Liz, it's fine. She seemed fine. You might be overthinking it a little." I watch her smile widen from the corner of my eye. She knows I overthink.

"You're right."

I sink into my mind and recall the situation. It can't be as bad as I'm making it out to be. Above that though, she looked damn good makeup-less, and her little track pants. I might have swooned. Honestly, after all of the years apart, I still can't believe how good she looks, if not better. 

Ok. I need to cut it out. I've only been single for a month, I can't be swooning over a woman, let alone Marina. I must have been caught in contemplation again, because Chuck gives me a quick and playful punch to my arm, which awakens me from my ocean-deep thoughts.

"Hello? Earth to Lizzy Grant." Her voice sounds just as playful as her punch, "You wanna stop and get ice cream on our way home?"

"Hell yeah." As tired as I am, ice cream does sounds good. Chuck always knows how to cheer me up. We abruptly exit the 405 and stop at 'Saffron & Rose Ice Cream.' I get noticed a few times while exiting the car and entering the parlor. Totally expected. After taking a few pictures with cute fans, Chuck and I order our flavors and enjoy the end of the calm evening.

. . .

We make our way into my home, the rest of the drive taking only 20 minutes - lighter traffic than earlier. It sure as hell feels good to be back. As soon as I lock the door behind my sister and I, my phone in my bag starts to ring. It takes me a few seconds of fishing before locating it, and find that it's Jack.

"Hi Jack, love," I start.

"Long time no talk," he greets, sarcastically. I had only seen him an hour ago. "I've got my schedule worked out. Willing to come back to the studio tomorrow, let's say around mid-morning? We really need to finish the chords to hope is a dangerous thing." 

"Yes, I know. I'll be there." I state into the phone.

"Great, and bring Chuck if she's able. She's always a joy to have around."

"I'll see if she can. See you tomorrow then."

"I'll catch you on the flip side." He says before hanging up. I smile at that line, I sort of liked how it sounded. I've written a song titled 'Flipside' but perhaps I'll write this down for a future lyric.

"You able to come tomorrow, Chuckers?" I call to her.

"Studio?" She calls back from her room upstairs.

"Yes. Jack needs me tomorrow morning." I start walking up the staircase. She must hear me walking up, as her voice settles down to a softer volume,

"Sorry Lanz, I have a photoshoot at 10, have to be there at 9:30."

"Okay, no problem." I walk into my bedroom, "I think I'm gonna crash, night sis." I end.

"Night!" She calls one last time.

I undress and put my silk nightgown on. The soft fabric against my skin makes me feel like a princess. I continue my nightly routine by washing my face. My lonely thoughts start to wonder. Marina is on my mind again. Why is she on my mind? I swear I need to cut it out. 

Although I can't help but notice how lonely my bedroom is without another soul to share it with. I guess I'm just needy as fuck.

After completing my self-care, I walk over to the vintage record player sitting in the corner of my room. I finger through the vinyls on the shelf below, debating on which one I want to fall asleep to. I settle on a Bob Dylan's "Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid." Perfect end to any day. I gently slide the record out of its sleeve, and set it on the turntable. I turn it on and the first track plays softly. 

My bed beckons me. I climb into it and cozy myself into the sheets. As soon as I close my eyes, the memories from this morning make its way into my head once again. I try to focus on the music, but the thought of her beaming aura sends me into a shiver. What the fuck is up with me? I suppress the recollection, and force myself into a deep and much needed slumber.

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