Before the fame, the money, the girls, Sammy Wilkinson was Vanessa's best friend. Some even called them soul mates. What Sammy didn't know was how Vanessa truly felt. He made her happy, until he left her in Omaha, alone.
Its been a while since I've spoken to Sammy. It's been a rough couple of months for me.
My depression has gotten extremely worse and I was prescribed stronger pills. I don't even remember the last time I had a full meal, or an entire night of sleep without crying and hating everything about myself.
I was fired from my job last month. There were days I arrived hours late and days where I just didn't show up because I couldn't get out of bed.
As for the modeling, 4 out of the 5 agencies we sent my pictures to, said that they weren't looking for anyone at the moment. Which basically means that I'm not good enough to be a model. The last agency hasn't gotten back to me, but what's the point if I'm not going back.
I am currently scrolling through Instagram and I come across Stassie's new post. It was of her and Sammy.
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I know I shouldn't be mad or jealous. But it broke my heart. He was with this beautiful girl that has everything a guy could ever want. I'm stupid to think that me and Sammy could be something in the future when he has plenty of other options around him.
After staring at it for a while I couldn't help but laugh. Not at them, but at me. Sammy wants nothing to do with me, and here I am suffering because I can't stop thinking about him.
I close my eyes for a little, I didn't even notice I was crying. After a few minutes my phone buzzes.
Johnson- Hey I don't know if you saw that post, but I promise you absolutely nothing is going on between them. They are just catching up. You know Sammy's been in New York for a while now because of his music, and stass just happened to be in town.
I believed him. Sammy has been in New York the last couple of weeks. His manager lives in New York and he's been staying with him and his family.
Johnson has always looked out for me. He was like a big brother to me. I don't know why Johnson felt the need to tell me this though.
I never responded to Jack's text. I didn't really feel like carrying on another conversation on my feelings for Sammy and how he doesn't feel the same and that he hates me for what I did. My mind can't physically handle anymore of that pain.
I decided that I needed to relax and forget about everything that has happened the past couple of months.
As I got in the shower I just let my tears fall. everything hit me all at once and I couldn't hold it in anymore. That picture, Sammy, my job, absolutely everything was going downhill.
So much for forgetting.
As I got out of the shower I heard my phone buzz, I was getting a call, from Sammy.
"Hello." I answered softly. My stomach fills with nerves and a bit of excitement.
"Hey." He says shortly.
"Everything okay?" I ask. Why would he be calling me?
"Look my mom just wanted me to give you a call and check up on you. I promised her I would." He says annoyed. "You're good right?"
"Y-Yea." My voice cracks as tears start forming in my eyes. He didn't even want to talk to me.
"Okay, if my mom asks you I called, bye." He hangs up.
I place my phone on the bathroom counter as tears fall down my cheeks. I know he said that he never wanted to talk to me again, but I figured that at some point he would have to. I just didn't think that's how it would happen.
I look at myself in the mirror and hate everything I see. Here I am crying because I'm in love with my best friend who hates me. My mind starts to go into a dark place.
What was the reason for me to be here anymore. I had no job, I lost Sammy, none of the agencies thought I was good enough. All I do is sit at home and cry all day. The world would be the exact same way without me. I'm sure my mom wouldn't care, I've wasted all her money on medical bills for years. I'm just a burden to everyone around me.
My phone buzzed indicating that I needed to take my pills for the day. I looked down at the one pill in my palm, then I filled my palm with more.
I sat on the bathroom floor crying as I swallowed them all. My vision soon blurred.
