Moonlight | Kim Taehyung

35: Luna

Sitting by the dining table with my mum opposite me and my older sister beside me, I decide to discuss about my plans for college with them. I'm nervous and hesitant to bring up this topic, as I just mended my relationship with my mum and she no longer yells at me for playing on my guitar or singing. I'm slowly gaining more courage to sing, even though I'm cautious and quiet whenever I sing and play music. I'm still afraid of my mum's judgement. I hope she'll continue supporting me and I hope bringing college up won't destroy the relationship the both of us tried so hard to fix.

"Mum," I begin to say and take in a deep breath as my sister squeezes my hand to show she supports me. "I'm graduating high school this year, so I... I think we should talk about my future and college."

My mum takes in a deep breath, "Right... I almost forgot that you were graduating soon... so what is your plan?"

"I... um... I'm thinking of taking a gap year..." I say and my mum nods. "I'm thinking of doing an internship or something.... at a music industry..."

I'm extremely nervous when I say the last part and I don't dare to look up to see my mum's reaction, so I keep my head low and fiddle with my fingers anxiously.

"Mum..." my sister says gently. "Please say something... say you'll support Luna?"

"I... I can't Mina..." my says with a hint of sadness in her voice. "I'm sorry Luna, but you know that I won't allow you to study music or be an intern at a music industry. You know I'm against you having a career that revolves around music."

"But why mum?" Mina says as I keep quiet and look down at my feet. "What's wrong with Luna doing music as a career? I know you want her to be a lawyer like me and I know that it's hard to be successful in the music industry, but being a successful lawyer is hard too."

"I know that... I know it's hard to be successful for either career, but being a well-known lawyer is better than being a well-known musician," my mum says. "Lawyers are respected more and are more professional, and it's a proper job."

"I'm sorry, mum, but I'm not going to be a lawyer," I stand up and say as I look into my mum's eyes. "I want to do something that I love and makes me happy. I want to do music. Don't you want that for me? Don't you want me to be happy? Don't you think I deserve to be happy?"

"Luna... please understand that being in the music industry won't bring you happiness..." she continues to persuade me.

"And how would you know that?" I ask and cross my arms over my chest.

"Before I met your dad... I dated a guy who was a songwriter," she says with sad eyes as she looks at me. "But he failed. Music companies wouldn't accept his songs, even though his family, friends and I thought they were brilliant. I loved his songs. He tried so hard and worked for hours on his songs, but the companies just thought he wasn't good enough..."

"I'm not him, mum," I say. "Things might be different for me."

"That's true, darling. But, I don't want you to follow his path..." she says and tears begin to trickle down her cheeks. "Because of his failure, he committed suicide... he was so upset because he was rejected by so many music companies. He thought he wasn't good enough. He thought that there was no meaning in his life if his songs couldn't be presented to the public. He devoted so much of his time to songwriting and poured his heart out in his songs..."

My breathing becomes heavy as I glare at my mum. I'm frustrated by her. I understand that she doesn't want me to go down the same path as her ex-boyfriend, but I am already on that path because of her. I've drowned in depression and even tried to kill myself once because she wouldn't allow me to play music, so how dare she forbid me from doing music because she doesn't want me to be harmed by the harshness in the music industry. When she is the one who's harming me right now.