Stark And The Spider

Am I A Monster?

(Hey guys! Sorry I missed my update again. I've just been going through some stuff kind of and I've been so tired all the time. And I had writer's block. But thanks for sticking around anyway! Also, please turn your page setting to black if it isn't already.)

I pass Rhodey as I make my way into the kitchen. My footsteps echo in the otherwise silent room. Rhodey pours himself a cup of coffee as I take off my jacket and toss it over a chair.

Peter and I went our separate ways as he got a text from May, telling him to come home for dinner. He offered for me to have dinner with them, but I politely declined. I just need time to myself to... process what happened today. Peter, being the gentleman that he is, offered to walk me home, or even swing me home, Spider-Man style, but I just laughed and told him that I was fine taking the subway home, and that he was just stalling from having to eat May's cooking. 

Rhodey takes a sip from his coffee as I grab myself an apple from the bowl on the table. I start to head towards my room. 

"Your knuckles are bruised again," Rhodey casually comments, leaning against the counter. I pause in my step. "They're bloody too."

I look down at my hands to see that he's right. My knuckles are different shades of purple and there's a splash of red, blood, in the mix. Whether it's my blood or Max's, I'm not sure.

I hadn't really been paying attention, and I didn't notice. Peter hadn't said anything about it, but looking back on it, his knuckles must've been in worse shape than mine.

Much worse.

Without replying to Rhodey, I turn and head to the sink. I turn on the hot water and I start to wash my hands. I wince slightly as the soap gets into the cuts I didn't notice I had, but I don't stop. Not even when the water heats up even more and starts to burn my skin. I don't stop until all the blood is washed from my hands.

"Last time," Rhodey starts. "Last time your knuckles were like this...I just assumed that you were taking your frustration out on the punching bag and forgot to put on gloves."

Yeah sure. Forgot.

"But this time," Rhodey continues, "I don't remember your hands being like that when you left. And I'm pretty sure the only one that's been in the training room today is Cap."

I look up at him and hold his gaze before looking down at my feet, not saying a word.

Without looking up, I hear him sigh. "Look, (Y/n). I don't expect you to give me an explanation, not an honest one anyway, and you don't have to. It's not really any of my business, and I know you're going through a lot. I won't say that I'm not worried about you, because I most certainly am, but...I trust you. You're a smart kid, I'm sure you know what you're doing."

Not really.

I look up at him and he continues. "I hope you know that if you want to come to me, you can. I might be able to help. But you don't have to if you don't want to. As long as you stay safe."

I'm not sure 'safe' is the best word to describe what I've been doing, but sure.

"One more thing," he adds. "Just...hide it from your dad, okay? I know that sounds bad, but he's been going through...a lot, with everything that's been going on. I know you are too, just...he doesn't need something else to worry about, okay? Just wear your gloves again or something."

I look at him and hold his gaze before nodding. I swallow thickly. "Okay," I mumble quietly.

Rhodey nods. After a few moments of silence, he asks, "are you holding up okay?"