Owning You - A Na Jaemin Fanfic

15. The Terms

They had been dating before our engagement. Before we were anything. Carol. His girlfriend. A person he met, who he thought was cute, who he spent a year hanging out with. Kissing. Touching her. Maybe, doing more.

Did he kiss her like he kissed me? Did it feel the same way? Is it always like that for him? It has been intense between us. Was it intense with Carol? Oh God, I can't stand this feeling. I have to find some way to stop thinking about him.

Then it comes. I knew it would. It is just a matter of time. The knife slash right up the middle. As if I really had been cut with a sharp knife. It hurts. I have never experienced anything quite like it. Then suddenly I am numb and I'm not feeling anything at all.

I text him at 7.00 pm, straight after dinner. Are you free? We need to talk.

He texts back ten minutes later. Yes. Do you want me to come over to your place?

Okay, I answer.

On the way, he texts.

The doorbell rings.

A shadow piles up against the frosted glass, dim and slim, like a sapling. I turn the knob. The house feels warm, even with November gusting through the door.

"Come in," I say. My parents are out. Once we're in the living room, he settles himself on the sofa. "Would you like a drink?" He shakes his head, No.

I sit down in the armchair across from him, and wait for him to speak. He looks like a ghost tonight; a pale, beautiful sprite, the crown of his head a halo in the lamplight.

"I've got something to say," he blurts. His eyes are shadowed. He looks like he's been doing a lot of thinking.

"Go ahead," I say calmly.

"I went to see Carol after you left."

The house breathes around me, the steady tick of the grandfather clock a faint pulse. The whole room is in shadow, a blur of shades. I see myself, my phantom self, reflected in the television screen.

"You're going to continue to see her." My voice is flat.

"Yes." His voice is a shamed whisper. He avoids my eyes. Can he hear the sound of my heart breaking? What was I expecting? For him to say, I ended it with her. You're the one I want. Had I really thought he would say that? Stupid. Stupid.

"I don't deny that I am... ," he is saying in that tight, strained voice, "attracted to you, but Carol and I have been together for a long time." One year. 365 days. "And I have only known you for a very short time. I can't just walk away from Carol like that. It wouldn't be fair to her. And so...and so, I think this is the best way. It was in the contract." Yeah, right. Contract to cheat. He looks at me. "It is very hard for me to say this, and I can imagine how hard it is for you, but we knew from the start that this was purely a business transaction." He kissed me and touched me, and now he's telling me it was all business. I am so angry. So, so angry.

I take a deep breath.

"Wouldn't it be easier to end the engagement?"

"NO!" he practically yells. "There's no way I want to end this engagement. Unless..." He falters. "Unless you want to?"

"No. I don't want to end the engagement." I shrug. "One fiancé is much the same as another. I don't care one way or another."

"Okay." He looks relieved. "I'm glad - enormously glad to hear that we're on the same page."

"So, to be clear," I say, "I assume from what you have said that you will be seeing Carol while you are engaged to me. You will continue as if you were single and free."