Owning You - A Na Jaemin Fanfic

80. Just A Spark

Suzy is calling me.

"Suzy! What's up?"

"I just, um, need some advice."

"Sure, sweetie. Go on."

"I've got a, uh, blind date..." Her voice trails off.

"Blind date? Oh, wow."

"Yeah...my coursemate set it up. She says he's goodlooking and a great guy, and he's her boyfriend's best friend, but I don't know..."

"You're worried? Because you don't know him?"

"She showed me some pics of him, but I don't know..." I can hear her expel a breath. "Like I don't know him, and I don't know what I'm getting myself into..."

"Did you say yes?"

"I said, yes." She sounds miserable. "But I don't know, I feel like cancelling on it."

"When's the date?"

"This Saturday. Dinner and a movie." A pause. "It's just that I feel like I'm coming off as desperate, you know? Like I'm so hard up for a guy my friend has to arrange a blind date for me."

"Hey," I say gently. "It's no big deal. You go out on a date and if you don't like the guy, you can just stop seeing him. It's not like you have to end up with him."

"I know, but - " A sigh. "I always wanted to fall in love on my own. Meet a nice guy and everything would just click in place...but I've always had bad luck with the guys I like."

"Namju?"

"Oh. That." A pause. Then: "It didn't work out." Her voice is rusty. "He didn't like me that way...he just wanted to be friends...."

"Oh, sweetie..."

"Yeah..." A long pause. Then: "You can't force someone to like you."

"Suzy..."

"It's okay, Haeri. I'm over him. Well, almost. We hardly talk or text anymore, anyway. I guess it's awkward for him, knowing how I feel - felt - about him."

"You liked him." I never knew she was into him. I thought she was just fooling around.

"I did...I've always liked him, since high school," she says quietly. "But even then, he had eyes only for you, Haeri. He always liked you. And when Jaemin came along, and you guys got together, you --- well, you broke his heart. He pretended to be okay, but he wasn't, not really. I think --- I think he still likes you..."

"He likes the idea of me," I say softly, sadly. "He doesn't know who I am." Only Jaemin knows who I am. Down to the flawed, imperfect nasty little bits and pieces of me.

"Namju's still single, as far as I know, but I'm tired of being alone...it gets kind of lonely, sometimes."

"All the more reason you should go out on this blind date."

"Yeah, I guess I will...maybe, he'll turn out to be a nice guy."

"Maybe, he will, sweetie. Give him a chance, okay? Give yourself a chance."

"Yeah. I have to move on from Namju. Loving someone who doesn't love you back..." her voice cracks a little "...sucks..."

What do I say? Why does love have to be so hard?

"Suzy, have you ever thought that things --- well, that maybe, things didn't work out between you and Namju because you and him weren't meant to be? That, maybe, the things our hearts want aren't the things our souls need?" A beat of silence. I say gently, "Maybe, Namju's wrong for you, you know? Like I'm wrong for Namju. Maybe, it's not the right time. Maybe, you and Namju just haven't met your soulmates yet."