Ever Since

Loren

I'm so on edge from what happened at Bens dorm that I take it out on Bradley. All the fire is aimed straight at him. When he said what almost happened with Ben was my fault, I stopped feeling bad.

Even when I momentarily lost myself in his touch when he traced his marks on me as flashes of that night come to mind making me crave him, I stay strong and tear away from him.

We're both soaking wet and shivering and I already feel the flu brewing inside. That's the last thing I need right before going home for thanksgiving break.

"Just leave me the fuck alone, Bradley" I say quietly and I can see him breaking.

"I'm worried about you. Don't shut me out" Bradley say darting his eyes between my eyes and my hickeys he imprinted on me. "Please"

"You don't, Bradley" I say shaking my head trying to shake the image of me and him in my bed. Him all over me driving me insane.

"I do! Why can't you expect that?" Bradley yells stepping closer to me. His hair is falling on his face and drops of water of falling from the tip of his nose.

I almost bite into this but I know I can't trust him completely.

"If you care about me, why didn't you even text me after what happened the night I helped you?" I ask feeling pathetic.

"I wanted to" He says but looks away for a moment and I spot him lying.

"You see it's an act! Whatever the fuck this is you do that works on other girls, isn't going to work on me. The whole I want you, I care about you, pulling me in and making me want you like crazy! No! It's not going to work" I yell at him like a mad woman and Bradley's eyes snap into something wild.

Oh no.

"What act? What game? Do you think I have to try and make up shit to get laid?" He mocks.

"You'll do anything to get your way, and guys like you love this shit! The fucking chase and then you throw us aside. I won't let you do that to me" I pause "I won't let you in"

"That's bullshit!" He yells "you think I if I wanted to just fuck you, I wouldn't have done that already? Lord knows I've had my chances" Bradley says smirking.

I step back from him and let the tears out again. It's absurd how I see fire but my eyes are shooting out damn tears.

"Fuck you!" I scream a scream that echoes off the walls. "And you know what? I'm glad I called you just so you'd show me that you're so much worse than Ben"

"I'm glad you fucking did too! Have fun the both of you. You deserve each other" Bradley spits and goes back to his expensive car.

I race down to the entrance absolutely livid. Fuck, what this guy is doing to me, I can't stand him.

I open the door of the entrance forcefully and try and relax myself before going up. I get up and press the elevator button a million times. The time is 1:48am and there are still no notifications at all from anyone looking for me. It has officially been an hour long ordeal ever since I left Bens dorm.

The door to the elevator opens and I go in, catching a glimpse of myself for the first time in a long time in the mirror. I look like an absolute mad woman with my hair dropping wet and my mascara that's definitely not water proof running down my cheeks. I press the third floor and lean my head against the mirror watching the floors on the screen. I feel absolutely drained after what happened with fucking Bradley.

I walk over to my dorm and open it quietly. The lights are all out and I can see the leftover takeout they had still on the table in front of the TV. I change my clothes silently in the room and try my best not to wake Ally up. I'm shivering still and nose keeps running so I definitely know a cold is on the way. Fucking great.

I turn to face the wall on my bed and put my phone on silent underneath my pillow. I slowly start to relax and fall asleep when my phone buzzes jolting me up. The buzz when you're almost asleep is like a damn earthquake.

I have to squint to see through the blinding light of my phone.

Ben
"Are you up?'

Me
'Now I'm up'

Ben
'Come to the door'
'Please Lo'

I hold the phone up and contemplate what I should do. I want to go see him because my heart is racing on a hundred but I don't want him to think he can act the way he did and I'd run to him.

Ben
'Please!!!'

I say fuck it to myself and get up from my bed closing the door slowly. I race down the hall and peak through the hole to see if it's him. I take a deep breathe and open the door. He's standing with his hands in his pockets, completely soaked and his hair is now dark black bringing out his blue eyes.

I close the door behind me and Ben steps closer immediately crashing into my lips. I want to push him off but get caught up in him. Our tongues are entangled and it takes all of me to push him off me.

"Stop" I say quietly. It's so late and everyone on this floor is asleep and I pray no one is hearing or seeing this.

"Loren... I want to apologize. Please" he begs as I'm fumbling for my keys.

"I don't know" I say trying not to look down at his soaked shirt.

"I was an asshole for how I acted. Let me make it up to you before break tomorrow"

I put my head the door and ask myself how I got in this mess. Both with Ben and Bradley. And then I remember it maybe really is my fault.

"Please look at me" Ben says lifting my head. I look up slowly and he's inches from my lips again and my heart is pumping. It's almost like a reflex. His  jet black hair is dripping wet and his white shirt is soaking and now see through and I can't take my eyes off his body. He's built like a fucking Greek god and I hate that I can't stop looking.

"I don't like the side of you I saw Ben" I whisper looking into his eyes while my chest is puffing up and down slowly.

He cups my cheek and kisses me gently on the cheek.

"I'll come to New York over break" he says shyly. "If you let me"

I feel myself light up like a damn Christmas tree. "You'd drive from Connecticut for me?"

"Of course, Lo"

"We'll be in touch then. Goodnight" I say on a high but suspicious all the same.

I wave goodbye and see him pulling out his phone texting away. I wonder who he's texting at this time but catch myself before I get too in my head.

I unlock the door as silently as I can and sneak back into my room without waking Ally. I lie down and try to fall asleep but it seems impossible after what happened.

Fuck Bradley's little voice telling me this is a mistake for forgiving him.