Ever Since

Bradley

I watch Stephanie come out of the bathroom. I get up slowly because I feel like all the air left my lungs. She's standing across from me in a light blue dress. The identical one she wore that night in 2017. The night that turned both of our lives upside down. I can feel the cold sweat run down my spine again and my heartbeat thumping in my ears blocking any sound around me. All I can see is her and all I can think about is flighting.

"What are you doing here?" Is all I manage to say with my voice shaking after a short silence between us.

"Are you not happy to see me, Bradley Underwood?" Stephanie says with a devilish grin walking slowly towards me.

Run. Run!!!

"Did you miss me?" She says laughing with her phone in hand and a half empty bottle of tequila in the other. "Or maybe you forgot who I am?"

"I remember you" I whisper carefully as all the images run through my head again.

"Yeah, I bet you do" Stephanie says with confidence now stepping closer to me. I can smell the liquor off her breathe and see how dead her eyes are. "And you're probably wondering what the actually fuck is the girl your daddy payed to go away and stay silent is doing here, in Malibu, at a party you seem to be enjoying without a care in the world?"

I start breathing hard from the pressure that's crushing and eating at me, I'm pretty sure it's a panic attack about to happen as I watch her back away to the door. I'm unable to move, it's like those dreams you try to escape but no matter how hard you try, your limbs won't budge.

"Please, Stephanie" I whisper.

"Don't act so scared..." she says smiling as she backs away towards the door. "Save that for later. I'll promise you right here and now that you'll need it"

She clicks the door open while still facing me and I can feel my world crumbling beneath me.

My phone keeps buzzing in my pocket but I can't bring myself to reach for it.

"Answer your phone maybe it's your little girlfriend" Stephanie says and leaves the room in a blink of an eye.

Loren! Fuck fuck!

I snap out of myself at the thought of her reaching Loren. The only good person in my life, the only love I have. I lose her, I lose everything.

I run to the door and sprint downstairs.

Quickly, quickly!!!!!

"Stephanie, wait!" I yell trying to catch up to her before she reaches the bonfire downstairs. I grab her by the back of her arm to stop her from going to do whatever she's planning on.

She shakes it off violently while screaming at the top of her lungs causing major attention on us from people on the beach.

"Get off me! Don't touch me!" Stephanie yells and I let go quickly, raising my hands in the air to show everyone I'm not touching her.

She looks frightened and I hate that a woman is looking at me like that. I pick up Stephanie's phone from the ground that must've flown out of her grasp when I surprisingly grabbed her. It's playing a video in full volume; Stephanie sitting on the bed in my room, reading from a three page note stating exactly what happened that night in 2017. She's crying towards the end of the 10 minute video and even after it's ended, I can't look away from it. Maybe I'm simply even more terrified to face her now.

"Oh my god..." I say tears running down my face.

When I manage to lift my gaze to her, I notice Stephanie is crying too. Her mascara running down like black lines down her cheeks into her mouth. All I can see is pain. Pain of years of being forced to hold what happened that night inside. Just like it replays in my head, for Stephanie it's a thousand times worse and I know what needs to be done. I've always felt it deep inside but hid it away for the sake of football, reputation, Loren...

I hover my thumb over the post button for a moment and realize life will never be the same. But I have to do this. I can't run away from this ghost from the past anymore.

"Three years too late" I say to myself but I know she heard me before I count to three and click post on the video to unleash it.

I catch Stephanie when she collapses, dropping the glass bottle to the floor, and hold her against my chest. I carry her inside the house and lay her in one of the rooms available downstairs. I cover her with a blanket and wipe her tears carefully but end up smudging them.

I sit by her on the bed, getting those images of that night and the tears fall down on her. I look up at the glow in the dark star filled ceiling above me, breathing in the last moments before chaos.

"Stephanie..." I whisper through the tears chocking me. "I've never forgiven myself and I'll never expect you to forgive me"