A Way Back Home | Adopted by Gerard Way (Book Two)

Snowflakes (21)

I'm not one for winter. It's cold, it gets dark much too early in the day, the roads are icy, it's cold, seasonal depression is a bitch, and it's cold.

I hate the cold, and if Gerard could hurry up and move to California like every other musician, I'd be happy. I'd only have Emerald to miss, but I could kiss the horrific memories attached to being in Jersey goodbye.

That being said, when the world is asleep and snowflakes fall, soundlessly covering the ground with a glimmering sheet of snow, and when the light from the moon hits them just right, I can appreciate winter. Everything feels so still it's almost peaceful, if only for a little while.

From my bedroom, I gaze out the window at the snow collecting on the panes, my breath fogging up the glass. It's only 6PM, but I'm already waiting impatiently for Emerald to pick me up in her mom's car and take me to wherever it is we're going. I tried my damn best to get her to spill that secret, but she wouldn't budge, so whatever awaits me tonight remains a mystery.

Just then, my phone buzzes from my pocket. Pulling it out I'm greeted with a message that makes my heart sink.

Emerald: Change of plans.

I type back quickly with shaking fingers, what do you mean??

Read 6:07PM.

Panic immediately floods my brain. Still, I give her a couple minutes to reply, the benefit of the doubt if you will, but at 6:10 all rationality has left much like any tranquility that the gentle snowfall had succeeded in bringing me.

I should've known this was too good to be true.

She's left me just like everyone else does, hasn't she? She realized she didn't want to spend her Valentine's Day with someone as messed up as me, so she left me in an instant just like my mother had. Like my first foster families, and just like Gerard will eventually, too.

How did I ever think the relationships I've formed in the last two and a half years would be permanent? The only constant in life is change, and in my case it's never change for the better.

I don't even realize I'm pacing the floor, or that I'm sinking my fingernails in the skin of knuckles, or that my breathing is dangerously quick, or even that I'm crying until something forces me to stop moving my feet. It's Gee wrapping his arms around me, my face being buried in his shoulder which I immediately soak with tears.

"Breathe, Eve." He rubs my back comfortingly. "What's going on?"

"I d-don't know!" I gasp. "Em-m just— she j-just— I don't know w-why... I don't know why sh-she—"

"You're gonna have to calm down a bit, okay?" I can practically hear the unsaid words he left hanging in the air: I don't want you to have a panic attack. And neither do I. The squeezing feeling in my chest, my beating heart and jumbled up thoughts are already bad enough. All I need now is for the walls to close in around me.

I force myself to take deep breaths, all the while still enveloped in a tight hug. "I think Em just cancelled on me and I don't know why. I don't know what I did wrong, I don't think I did anything. Why would she just—"

"Slow down, Eve. She didn't ditch you." Gee lets go of me and steps away. He covers his face in his hands. "This was part of it."

"Wait, what?"

He sighs. "I'm supposed to take you to meet her at 7. Her mom wouldn't let her take the car, so she can't pick you up herself."

I open my mouth to say something, but no sound comes out. I sniff, wiping the tears from my face with my palms, getting eye makeup all over them.