A Way Back Home | Adopted by Gerard Way (Book Two)

Not A Chapter, Still Important

•Addicted•

Your ribs weren't ladders to climb up from this hell
And your shoulder blades weren't wings to fly to freedom
So why was it necessary
Why was it so desirable to have every bone visible
And to have people worried
Not knowing whether you're dead or alive upon looking at your small, sick body
And not knowing what to say
Whether to compliment you on your weight loss
Or to ask if you're okay
But your self worth was never weighed on a scale
But by your values and the way you cared
Maybe not about yourself but about others
Maybe not about the way you knew you were dying every day
But how you went out of your way to ask others how they were
To make sure they weren't going through something similar
And no, it wasn't fair
It was so not fucking fair
You didn't do a thing to anybody, you wouldn't hurt a fly
The only thing you would hurt was yourself
Denying yourself of something you knew you needed
But maybe you didn't know
Not anymore anyway
It was fine, the hours you spent avoiding it
The only thing that could truly make it better
You thought it would pass
That once you reached your goal it would end
But you couldn't do it alone
Being addicted you couldn't just quit
Addicted to being empty to bed and emptier to rise
The way you couldn't just quit was your downfall
Because if you're not recovering, you're dying

• • •

•What I Won't Miss•

Like measuring the gap between my thighs, there is so much I won't miss
The obsessive calorie counting and burning
The purple hands, and cracked fingernails
The shaking and shivering, tossing and turning, and dry, dead looking lips
The sadness in my mothers eyes when I asked her why
"Why do I have to do this? I don't care if I die!"
The endless appointments; physical health and then mental
The lightheadedness and fluttering heart
The blood tests, the pain, the cold.
The cold that sank to the bone, that no amount of warmth could withhold
And the fright.
The fear of the numbers and the hunger and the letting go
And, like being afraid of my own head, there is so much that I will not miss

• • •

For anyone who needs motivation to get better.

Well, I don't know if it's really motivating, or just depressing. But if you're struggling, reach out for help, please. You don't have to go through it alone and you don't deserve to stay in this bad place forever and miss out on life.

• • •

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