his one wish || a mattia x kairi story.

numb | mattia

MATTIA REMEMBERS IT LIKE it was yesterday. He had been high, which should've hindered his memory, but nothing seemed clearer.

***

Mattia and Jenny were sitting side by side on Mattia's bed, taking turns hitting his Juul. They were making nonsensical conversation, each taking comfort in the numb feeling the Juul brought them. It was a rather refreshing moment at the time, especially since their breakup had not been so clean-cut. They had fought about every little thing they could find during the days leading up to their official breakup; it was nonstop. Jenny was convinced Mattia was hiding something, while Mattia was suspicious of Jenny. Eventually, Mattia snapped, and he ended up being the one to end things. That didn't mean he had wanted to, though. In fact, Mattia had spent the following months in solitude, trying to heal his broken heart, yet nothing worked. He hooked up, he even tried dating again, but Mattia was still hung up on his ex. So when Jenny had reached out to him to try and make amends two months later, Mattia couldn't resist, leading them to hang out again. 

It was rather therapeutic, almost like old times. But something was different, a wall still existed between them that Mattia had hoped wouldn't be there. Mattia could feel it, and he was sure Jenny could too. He ignored it though, letting the intimate moment exist as it was. He even pulled out his phone once, to take a video of her in case they decided to stay parted, just so he could remember her. 

"Jenny," he had said, "look at me." The pretty brunette turned to look at Mattia in his lazy eyes, the gaze reigniting a spark he didn't know there still was. Jenny's lips parted slightly as her eyes fell upon Mattia's lips. He didn't know what came over him after that, but he knew what ended up happening: they made out. It was sloppy and desperate, but there was something about those stolen kisses that brought Mattia closure. He couldn't put words to the experience at the time, but he knew that he had made the right decision as he watched Jenny leave his house for the last time. 

***

Mattia stared blankly at his phone as he watched the video play on repeat. It was blurry, but it was clear enough to make out his and Jenny's face. The video was shaky and only really showed their side profiles, yet every time the video replayed itself, all those buried memories came flashing before his very eyes. 

"I knew I shouldn't have sent that video to them," he grumbled to himself, "Should've just deleted it when I had the chance." Mattia had been high when he sent the very same video to his friends, causing a bit of drama between all of them. The Jersey Boys couldn't believe that their ring leader had gone and done something so risky. They told him he was out of his mind for doing that, that that session had been a mistake and would ruin his social life. Mattia had been angry that they had said such things, mostly because he knew that it wasn't a mistake, but exactly what he had needed at the time. He thought his friends knew him better than that.

Now, though, he couldn't be so sure. As the never-ending comments and DMs came flooding in, Mattia couldn't help but think that that video was a mistake. He was conflicted though, because he knew that it hadn't been a mistake once, so why should it be now? 

Mattia had been hiding in his dark room for the past few hours, it being his spot of solace for the past week, since the video had gotten leaked. It had gotten taken down, but that didn't mean people hadn't seen it. He had not responded to anyone asking about it, merely let it be a source of gossip. He supposed that that only made matters worse, but he just couldn't bring himself to address it. 'It's no one's business besides mine,' he thought angrily, 'why the fuck should some random internet fans deserve to know?' Mattia knew that that wasn't completely fair, but at the same time, it was his personal past affair. No one should be allowed to be so intrusive. 

The boy let out a defeated sigh as he watched all his friends send him panicked texts, but he merely ignored them, not having the energy to even talk to them. It was a jerk move, but then again, it had been one of them who leaked it so none of them deserved a word he said. Who could it have been though? Most of their beef got resolved fairly quickly, so Mattia couldn't think of any one of his friends who would've truly wished this upon him. Perhaps it had been a mistake? Mattia scoffed at the thought, that couldn't have possibly been the case. A video like that never got leaked "accidentally" - there had to be a reason. A stupid one, but a reason nonetheless. 

Mattia's tired eyes watched as notification after notification popped up on his phone, not bothering to even dismiss them. A certain message did catch his attention though. Not because it was about the scandal, but because it wasn't.

from kairi ☀️ just now

what was the hw for trig

Mattia responded quickly, with a short:

idk

Kairi left the message on seen, which slightly irritated Mattia. What, the bastard couldn't be bothered to even say something? Ever since he had stormed out on Kairi, there had been word from everyone except him. Mattia had sort of expected to hear from Kairi the most, but he supposed Kairi knew him the best so he knew to just stay away. Nonetheless, Mattia couldn't help but feel just a tiny bit disappointed Kairi hadn't even tried to reach out. He brushed the feeling away, knowing Kairi had his own reasons.

He glanced at the time, seeing it read '11:05 pm'. It was yet again a Saturday night, but different to the past one when the news of the video had first spread. It wasn't very late, yet Mattia felt exhausted. He wished for everything to just disappear and for the whole issue to be gone. He supposed he would have to address his fans at some point, which was something he dreaded. He knew that people would take his words and twist them. That wasn't something he could control though, he could only say the truth and let people do as they wished. 

Mattia decided to just lay on his bed for the remaining part of the night, a soft lo-fi melody radiating from his speaker. It eventually lulled him into sleep, letting him momentarily forget the events of the day.

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a/n: hey y'all! i know this was a more emotional chapter; it had less action. however, i feel like this needed to be done in order to reveal what mattia was feeling and thinking, and just how complicated his past was. i promise the next chapter will be more exciting!!

i also wanted to let yall know that this book is PURE FICTION. i based it upon some stuff happening rn, but none of the things happening in this book are happening... so take this it with a grain of salt!!

-i hope to upload the next chapter tomorrow night btw-

thanks for reading and if you made it this far, i love u! please be sure to give this chapter a vote, i would greatly appreciate it !! 

until next time,

mj <3