his one wish || a mattia x kairi story.

losing to hate | mattia

HAVING TO LOSE THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE to hatred was easily the hardest thing that Mattia has ever done. Granted, Mattia had let Kairi slip through his fingers before but that was before there were feelings involved. But now, after Mattia had really let his guard down, he truly realized how much he had come to care for Kairi. The smaller boy was fierce, a fighter and had a sharp tongue, all qualities that Mattia had grown to appreciate. And now that Mattia learned that his feelings went beyond a friendly appreciation, Kairi was stolen from him.

Mattia knew that 'love' was not an easy word to throw around, which in his opinion, was ludicrous. Didn't everyone preach spreading love? So why was everyone so afraid to tell those they loved that they did? Ever since their kiss, he had known that Kairi was the guy for him. That kiss had been special - something that he had never felt before. It shook him to his core, leaving him in a lovestruck daze. Unlike his kiss with Jenny, this one felt right. There was no weird feeling in his stomach, no afterthoughts, nothing; just pure and utter bliss.

When the bullying had started, Mattia ignored it all. Nobody really dared do anything to him, knowing that it could result in far worse for them than anything they could dream to do. Mattia would often find homophobic slurs written on his locker, and usually, he would cause a stir whenever he walked into a room. Mattia discovered that people loved to use the words cocksucker, f*g/f*ggot, and to be honest, everyone needed to find something new. Their little hateful act was getting old and if they didn't watch themselves, Mattia would go after them himself if he had to.

But Mattia knew he was the lucky one. Kairi had received much more threatening letters, messages and the like, people targeting him because of his size. Mattia knew that Kairi was a fighter and wouldn't go down easily, but a person could only take so much. When Kairi stopped appearing in the hallways, Mattia knew that his walls had crumbled. 

Mattia thought about Kairi nonstop, worrying about his whereabouts and whether or not he was okay. He would often stop by Kairi's house, but no one would answer. Mattia sent floods of messages, Snapchats, direct messages - basically anything - to Kairi but they would be left on delivered. Kairi was avoiding Mattia and it killed him inside.

The day that Kairi called him up and told Mattia that they couldn't be together broke him. Mattia wanted to be by Kairi's side, wanted to help him win the fight that he was struggling so hard to do on his own, but Kairi would hear none of it. At the end of their phone argument, Kairi had told Mattia that he loved him, making Mattia's own heart melt. They clearly had chemistry, so why was Kairi so resistant to Mattia's help? Kairi had been so willing to extend a hand Mattia, so why couldn't he do the same?

Questions like these often circulated Mattia's head, distracting and frustrating him all the time. They hadn't even been given the time to talk about the kiss for fuck's sake - they had just been thrust into the light of highschool scandal again. Nobody knew how to mind their goddamn business, and to say that both boys were merely tired of it was an understatement. It made Mattia shake with anger if he thought about it hard enough. Their school was clearly so against anything even remotely "abnormal" and in the process had destroyed something that could've been so wonderful. 

As Mattia was walking home from school one day, secluded and alone, he heard faint shouts coming from the soccer field. He assumed that the players had practice, so he stopped by to watch them as he often did. Mattia liked observing their plays, oftentimes critiquing techniques. But this time, when Mattia looked onto the field, he saw a group of about 3 guys or so, huddled around something on the field, clearly doing something to it. It struck Mattia as rather unusual, so he jogged over to them, but when the gang of boys saw him, they scattered. And when they did, Mattia's heart dropped as he saw what the boys had been circling around.