his one wish || a mattia x kairi story.

finding happiness | kairi

THIS COULD NOT BE HAPPENING. Ever since the almost-kiss, Kairi had been sent into panic mode. That day had confirmed his worst fear - that there was something in him that cared for Mattia beyond the realm of friendship.

He supposed he shouldn't be surprised. Kairi had known right when he met Mattia back in freshman year there was something different about him. Maybe it was the way he dominated every room he walked into, maybe it was the way he laughed, maybe it was the way he didn't care about what people thought about him, maybe it was the way he showed Kairi so much love and compassion - an amount that rivaled even the strongest of marriages.

The thing about Kairi is that he is and always has been greedy. He may not ever admit it out loud, but he had always loved the attention that Mattia had given him. Kairi loved to think about the fact that Mattia was closest to him, would do anything for him, would give the most love to him. And somewhere in the back of his mind, Kairi had convinced himself Mattia was his.

That was why their fight had hurt so much. It had solidified the fact that Mattia was not just his. Kairi had believed that Mattia wouldn't give up a friendship such as theirs because of pride. Mattia had convinced himself that he didn't need anyone, that it was him against the world, and in a lot of ways, that had wounded Kairi more than it had wounded Mattia. Kairi knew that this was selfish thinking and was not the whole picture, but Kairi was greedy; greedy for Mattia's affections in all sense of the word.

And Kairi hated it. He absolutely loathed the fact that he had somehow managed to one, catch feelings and two, not know about them until recently. His mind had suddenly decided that he would have a crush on his best friend, seemingly out of nowhere. Of course, this crush did not come out of nowhere, but rather years of friendship, but still - it was cruel nonetheless. Kairi wished that he could like someone - anyone - besides his best friend. Perhaps that would make it easier because then he wouldn't have to deal with the thought of losing his closest friend.

Kairi had already decided, before his feelings were confirmed, that Mattia could never know of his feelings. He feared what Mattia might do if he knew and Kairi was not in a hurry to find out. He knew that keeping all of this was selfish, but he knew it would be best in the long run.

Ever since Kairi had realized his true feelings, he had been in a panic. He was utterly alone, and had no one to confide in. But one day, weeks after the incident with Mattia, Kairi grew fed up. He was tired of having to deal with it on his own. Instead of reaching out to Mattia, however, Kairi texted Alejandro. Luckily, it was not 2 am this time. After a few exchanges between the two of them, Alejandro arrived at the mall, the two of them strolling through the complex as they talked.

"So, you're 100% sure you like Mattia?" Alejandro asked, after listening to Kairi's story.

"Yeah," Kairi grumbled, shuffling his feet.

"You don't sound happy about it," Alejandro observed, looking at his friend, "why?"

"Because Mattia can never know, Ale. It would ruin our friendship," Kairi insisted, his heart breaking.

"You seem pretty convinced of that," Ale said, forever the skeptic, "how can you be so sure?"

"I know him, Ale. This would end our friendship the moment I told him," Kairi explained, his voice laced with sadness.

"Kai," Alejandro began, "you don't know that. And besides, wouldn't you rather let it go than have this hanging over your head forever?" Kairi didn't respond right away, unsure of what to say.

"He's straight, Alejandro. 100% straight. He likes girls," Kairi said, with more force than he had expected would come out.

"You're not suspicious of any of the jokes he made? Calling you baby, the innuendos, none of it made you question Mattia's sexuality?" Alejandro asked in disbelief.