"NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR LIFE!" Kairi had yelled, the image of his angry face permanently marked in Mattia's brain. Those words had shattered all of Mattia's being, and they came from the mouth of the person he had come to care for the most.
It had been a week since those 8 words left Kairi's mouth, and yet Mattia couldn't get them to stop playing on repeat in his head. They tortured him every day, reminding him of how heartless his friends could really be. Mattia had never felt such pain before, not when he had broken his arm, not when he broke up with his first girlfriend - nothing came close. It was as if an infection had taken hold on his entire body, paralyzing him.
Since their fight, Kairi had tried to contact Mattia every single day without fail. He had texted, called, Snapchatted - done everything under the sun to try and make amends. But every time Mattia saw Kairi's name pop up, an intense pain took over his heart and he couldn't bring himself to read or listen to anything Kairi said. Deep down Mattia knew that Kairi hadn't meant to say what he did, and that it was done out of anger. After all, he had called Mattia to the field in the first place to try and help. But the damage had still been done, and he didn't know if he could face Kairi just yet.
Mattia's phone began buzzing, and his screen got taken up by a call from Kairi. He just stared at the screen, the feeling of intense hurt flaring up again. His finger hovered above the 'answer' button, almost tempted to actually listen to what Kairi had to say. But could he bring himself to? He hadn't even listened to the numerous messages Kairi had left prior, it just hurt too much. But perhaps, at the very least, it could bring him closure. He had to find peace with the fact that he and Kairi would no longer be friends - maybe this would give him that?
Against his better judgment, Mattia clicked answer, setting the phone on speaker. He didn't say anything, just listened to whatever his ex-friend had to say. There was a rustle on the other end, followed by heavy breathing, and then finally a soft voice spoke up from the other side of the phone.
"Oh, wow, I didn't think you would actually answer," there was an awkward chuckle before Kairi spoke again.
"I know you're listening, so I guess I'll just cut right to the chase. Mattia, I am so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to blow up on you. I just -" There was a pause on the other end, and Mattia could just hear Kairi taking a slow, labored inhale.
"I really care about you, Mattia. We all do. I wanted you to know that we all are here for you, and for whatever you need. Even if you decide you want to end our friendship," Kairi's voice broke, "We'll always be here for you." In that moment, Mattia's heart shattered yet again.
"Anyways, I'm gonna go now. I'm so, so sorry again for hurting you. I didn't mean for any of it to happen, I swear. But yeah... thanks for listening." Kairi hung up the call, leaving Mattia sitting in a pool of emotions he couldn't even begin to comprehend.
He stuffed his phone into his pocket and sat down on the edge of his bed, leaning forward on his hands. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and sitting like that as he played the call over in his head. Mattia's heart was barely being held together, and at this point, he didn't know how much he could take. He really appreciated Kairi's apology, though. It brought him a feeling of peace, something that was much needed. He was so grateful for his friends for accepting him as he was, even when he acted up. Mattia took his phone out of his pocket and sent a short text to Kairi, saying this:
i really appreciate the apology. thank u man <3
He made sure to word the text carefully, never indicating that he accepted the apology because the truth was, he wasn't sure if he could. The words hurt more than Kairi would probably ever understand. A new text popped up on Mattia's phone:
from kairi ☀️ just now
any day <3
Mattia put his phone away once again, noticing the ache in his chest had lessened. There was no doubt that it was still there, but Mattia found himself being able to breathe easier. Forgiveness was a long ways away, and his relationship with Kairi was far from perfect. He was only human, and there was only so much he could take in one day. But it was really nice to hear Kairi owning up to his mistakes.
Mattia pulled out his phone once more, opening up TikTok, forcing himself to finally look at the comments that had taken over his TikToks. People were going crazy, no one being even remotely close to the truth. Staring at the comments sent his heart into overdrive, but he would've had to look at them eventually. Kairi's call had given Mattia the strength he needed.
Instead of really responding to anything, Mattia made a TikTok, doing the infamous dance to "Lottery" (aka, Renegade), captioning it 'i'm alive'. Instantly, the likes and comments came flooding in, ranging from heart emojis to questions about Mattia's whereabouts. Instead of devoting his time to reading the influx of comments, Mattia quickly posted a new TikTok, lipsyncing to Lil Skies' "Lil Rodeo" ('I ain't foldin' under pressure, I ain't switchin' for no ho'). He did his usual effects, posting it with no caption. Of course, as soon as everyone saw this TikTok, all hell broke loose.
It was an act of courage in some ways, giving the impression that he simply didn't care about the situation at hand. Mattia's anxiety flared up as the comments turned into the battlefield, but even though he felt extremely insecure about it all, there was some weight lifted off his shoulders. He didn't know exactly why, though, it just happened. Even though it was through a TikTok, he told the message that he wasn't going to go down easily.
Of course, this wasn't really the truth at all. Mattia's heart was pounding in his ears and he wondered if he had made a mistake. He couldn't believe he had posted that TikTok, and had to resist the urge to delete it. It took much self-restraint, but eventually, he decided that if he really didn't like it, he could disable the comments or just delete it altogether. For now, though, it was staying up. He wanted - no - needed this.
About 10 minutes after he had uploaded his TikToks, a new message notification popped up on his phone.
from kairi ☀️ just now
yessur.
Mattia couldn't help but smile at the text, feeling proud of himself for finding the strength to go on TikTok. An official explanation would come in time when he truly felt alright, but for now, that would have to do. He responded to Kairi's text, saying this:
learned from the best.
He closed out of TikTok and laid down on his bed, feeling his chest. His heart was beating somewhat regularly again and he could finally just breathe. No more calculated breath, no more short bursts of air, just the rhythmic flow of his breath, causing the gentle rise and fall of his chest.
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a/n: hi friends! first off, THANK U FOR OVER 100 READS AND THE NUMEROUS COMMENTS/VOTES. I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU. this chapter wasn't particularly interesting, but i wanted to have at least one chapter before i break your hearts again lmao (jk... or am i? :0)
there will probably not be another chapter in the next few days. i have a lot of stuff coming up and im hella stressed lmao, but i will try to get one up next weekend - hope y'all can wait that long
thanks again for the reads, you beautiful ppl :)
until next time,
mj <3
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Fanfictionmattia polibio is one of the most sought after tiktokkers. on the screen, he's the straight, cocky, and oh-so tough soccer player. behind the screen, though, is someone that is saved only for his closest friends. the amount he cares for his jersey...
