broken ghosts

part twenty

a lot of time-gaps in this part, i hope it's not too confusing.

-

"I've known Y/N since High School."

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes for a second to contain the few tears that had started to form in your eyes. Hoseok had chosen to plead guilty, probably because his lawyer told him it would lessen his sentence. It meant the hardest part of this all was about to start : you were going to hear Hoseok's version of the story.

"She introduced me to all her friends. I didn't have much friends so she always made sure I never ate alone or things like that," Hoseok paused, glancing at you as you kept your head up, focusing on keeping a calm breath.

"Please keep going," the judge said and Hoseok looked confused for a second before talking again.

"She was always with him-"

"Who ?" the judge cut him off and Hoseok looked down.

"Jungkook. I knew a lot about him because Soyeon was in love with him. She told me many times but I couldn't do much to help her since she was too shy to talk to him anyway."

Soyeon had been in love with him since High School.

"At some point, he started dating Y/N and Soyeon-" he stopped, gulping hardly. "She didn't take it well. I didn't even know it was possible to be this sad until I saw her after the news of their relationship. I wouldn't have done much though if Y/N hadn't started talking less and less to me to spend more time with him. We used to spend so much time together but suddenly he had planned a date, or he wanted to buy something with her, or he wanted her to come with him somewhere, and it was always like that, all the time. At first I thought it was because it was a new relationship and she would soon realize she was better off without him, but it went on for months, and for years, and they never fucking broke up."

"Were you still friend with her ?"

He looked at you, his tired eyes sending shivers down your spine. He took a moment before talking again, really slowly, as if every word leaving his mouth was wisely chosen, making it even worse to hear.

"I will always consider her as my friend. She was never the one at fault. He was the one who took her away from me, who made her forget about me and who broke Soyeon's heart. Y/N was never the problem."

You tried to take a breath to keep yourself calm, but suddenly, your lungs were unable to fill themselves again, your throat tight and hurting you. You needed to breathe, you felt like you were suffocating as his words echoed in your head over and over again, your vision turning blurry.

I was never the problem.

You couldn't bring yourself to look at Jungkook as you finally took a breath of fresh air, choking quietly as the pressure on your lungs vanished as fast as it came. You could see him at the corner of your eyes but you couldn't turn to him, fearing what you'd see.

"When did you decide to do something ?"

"I-I don't exactly remember. I think Soyeon came to my place and she was crying because she had seen them together. To be honest, anyone who would see them together would end up crying. They were so disgustingly in love."

Disgustingly in love.

"Soyeon is what my life revolves around, I've always thought I'd give my life for her. So that's what I did in a way."

You blinked a few times, realizing tears had started running down your cheeks without you even feeling it. The silence in the room was deafening as everyone was waiting for his next words, his next confession, his next secret.

"One night, I met Y/N on a parking lot. She was alone and she was crying as well. She told me she just got into an argument with Jungkook and she needed some time alone. I thought it was the perfect time."

You could feel your friends' eyes on you as you looked down, memories from this day flashing back to your mind. You wondered what Jungkook was thinking, you wondered how he felt hearing that.

"She was vulnerable and their relationship was weakened. It was perfect, so I did what I had planned. I drugged her and took her to the small house I had bought a few months before. At first, I thought I had to kill her, but I couldn't bring myself to. She kept begging, she kept crying, I couldn't do it. So I just kept her with me, I fed her well, I made sure she didn't have anything to hurt herself, I took great care of her. I did all I could to make things less hard for her. Soyeon and Jungkook started dating. I had Y/N close to me. Everything was perfect and everyone was happy."

Did he really think everything was perfect ?

"Did you love her ?"

You glanced at the judge, wondering why he had to ask that. Hoseok looked confused as well and it was as if the two sides of his personality were fighting. The one who kept you locked in a small room against the one who felt bad for you for three years.

"I love her as much as I hate Jungkook."

Hoseok eventually leaned back on his seat, showing he had finished talking. You kept your eyes on him, your heart beating so fast you could almost hear it. You didn't move a bit, paralysed by his words. After a few seconds, you finally looked at Jungkook, not really knowing what you were expecting.

He was looking down, clenching his jaw, and you knew he felt guilty. You knew he was thinking he was the reason everything had happened. It was probably as hard for him as it was for you. You wished he could look at you, you wished to tell him none of this was his fault, but he kept his head down. You eventually looked away, unable to see him like that longer, and stared back at Hoseok. He was livid, as always, and you wondered why he seemed so regretful.

Why was he so miserable when he never changed his mind in three years ?

-
-

You were lying down in your bed, alone in your apartment. You were exhausted and you felt empty somehow. You gazed at the ceiling, a tear rolling down your cheek before you could even realize you were on the verge of tears. Little by little, more tears followed, without you even trying to stop it.

Why were you crying when you had finally got what you wanted ? The trial was over and you could finally move on. Hoseok was sentenced years of prison and you would receive money. Everything seemed to get better, so why were you crying ?

Why did it still hurt so much ?

Your ringtone echoed in your room and you used the little energy left in your body to look at who was calling.

Jungkook.

You waited a few seconds before answering the call hesitantly, not knowing how it was going to go. It was the first time he ever called you since all of this had happened so you wondered what to expect.

"Y/N ?"

His voice made you feel a little better immediately and you lay back down on your bed, making yourself comfortable in the blankets.

"Yes ?"

"How are you doing ?" he stuttered a little and you felt how hesitant he was.

"I've been better," you could still feel the dry tears on your skin and the exhaustion of your body, but you thought telling him that wouldn't do any good.

"Do you want someone to stay with you a little ? I can ask Tae or-"

"No, it's okay," you cut him off, your throat tight, "I'd rather be alone."

"Oh okay," he said, his words hanging between the two of you. It seemed like he wanted to say something, like there was something to say as silence settled more and more.

"Goodnight then, sleep well," he eventually let out, barely above a whisper. You wondered if he was crying too.

"Yeah, you too," you breathed out, feeling tears coming back again. He waited a few seconds as if he was hesitating, asking himself whether he should add something or not, but he eventually hung up, and as soon as you heard the familiar beeps of your phone, tears started rolling down your cheeks again.

You didn't really know how long you cried, if you ever stopped crying, but you eventually fell asleep and spent a night without nightmares for the first time in months.