When you opened your eyes, you were surprised to feel arms wrapped around you. It was something you weren't used to anymore.
You looked up at Jungkook's sleeping face and a warm feeling filled your body. This too was something you weren't used to anymore. You took a few seconds to gaze at his features you loved so much, a soft smile forming on your lips. Suddenly, he opened his eyes to look at you, smirking.
"Hey there," he whispered, his morning voice sending shivers down your spine.
You felt a blush spread on your cheeks but you didn't break the eye contact, wrapping your arms tighter around him. He held you tighter as well, closing the distance between your faces. You could feel his breath tickling your skin as you looked at each other in silence. Your heartbeat had increased suddenly as you waited for what was to come.
His eyes left yours to slowly look at your lips, the tension between you getting heavier. You wondered if his heart was beating as fast as yours. His lips were so close, you could almost feel them for the first time in years. You were craving this more than ever.
He seemed to hesitate, something flashing in his eyes you weren't sure to understand. And this one second of hesitation was enough for Taehyung to enter the room, his usual energy filling the room.
He made his way to the kitchen, humming a song mindlessly. It's only after a few seconds he noticed Jungkook and you on the couch, his eyes widening.
"Oh my- I'm sorry guys, I didn't think you'd still be here," he said hurriedly, hiding his eyes with his hands, "Just finish what you were doing, I'm coming back later !"
He then proceeded to leave the room as fast as he could with his hands covering his eyes, hitting one or two things on his way. And as much as you appreciated the effort, it was too late. It wasn't the right time anymore.
"You can come back," you said as you got up, leaving Jungkook's protective arms. He avoided your eyes as he got up as well, running a hand through his hair. Taehyung peeked in the room before coming in, a small smile on his lips.
"Didn't want to interrupt, I'm sorry," he mumbled, glancing at the both of you with knowing eyes. You'd have joked about it with him if Jungkook's reaction to being so close to kiss wasn't worrying you. Why would he hesitate ?
-
"He hesitated, Taehyung."
Taehyung looked up from his phone, raising an eyebrow. "What ?"
"This morning, Jungkook and I, we almost kissed but he hesitated," you said quietly, "I don't understand."
"Really ? I thought kissing you would be the first thing he'd do," he let out a scoff but seeing your expression, his smile quickly faded. "Listen, I'm sure it's nothing deep-"
"Maybe he realized he doesn't actually love me anymore," you whispered, your voice shaking slightly.
"Come on, of course he loves you. It's probably because I interrupted you guys," he took your hand, pressing it a little to comfort you.
"No, it wasn't that. I saw it in his eyes —he hesitated."
Taehyung stayed silent, looking at you carefully, as if he knew something you didn't. Anxiety took over you all over again, your stomach twisting.
"What is it ?" you asked, trying to read his expression, "What do you know ?"
"I don't want to assume anything," he started slowly, looking away as if he was collecting his thoughts, "He never actually told me so it's just a guess-"
"What is it ?" you cut him off, your heartbeat increasing. You didn't know what to expect and it was driving you crazy.
"I think he is afraid. If he kisses you it makes everything more real, and it brings him back to three years ago. It brings him back to the time he wasn't able to protect you-"
"He didn't have to protect me, he isn't the one at fault-" you cut him off but Taehyung stopped you from speaking as well.
"He feels guilty, Y/N, he can't help it. And now I think he is afraid that getting back with you might hurt you again. He feels like he is the one that brought what happened to you and being this close to you again scares him."
You stared at Taehyung, unable to say anything. You couldn't believe that you hadn't realized what he was afraid of. As Namjoon said, he had his fears and you were too blinded by your own to realize that.
"He never hurt me," you said quietly.
"I know, but I think he doesn't. What happened to you is related to your argument so I think he'll never stop feeling this way."
"But I told him it wasn't his fault, we already talked about this," you protested, shaking your head.
"It's Jungkook," he let out a sad smile, "You know it's hard to make him change his mind."
-
-
That night, you were alone in your apartment. Lying there in your cold bed, only darkness and silence surrounding you, you couldn't help but let your thoughts take the best of you.
You wondered if Jungkook was sleeping. You wondered if he was even home, or if he was out to not let himself be consumed by his fears at night. You wished he wasn't at some club but rather on top of the hill.
Suddenly, you wondered if he had met many girls when you weren't there. You wondered if he used to be out every night, drinking the sorrow away before finding someone to distract himself. You realized Taehyung never told you exactly how it was like at first when you went missing. How he reacted.
Was he with someone else at this moment ? Maybe he still distracted himself this way. Your heart started hurting with jealousy, but you tried to reason yourself. He would never do that to you. He would never betray you like that.
You stared at your ceiling in the dark, a tingling feeling of jealousy taking over you more and more. You trusted him with all your being, but your insecurities couldn't help but let you wondering.
What if ?
The next second, you were hurriedly looking for Jungkook's number in your phone. Just when you were about to call, you asked yourself if it was right to do that, if it wasn't stupid of you to even have these thoughts. And as you were thinking about it, a different feeling took over your jealousy, making your heartbeat increase slightly.
You craved his presence. You needed to be with him. It wasn't about jealousy anymore, but rather about a visceral feeling of needing him close to you.
You pressed his number without thinking twice, the usual beeping sound echoing in the room before stopping almost immediately.
"Y/N ?" Jungkook said with a quiet voice, and it almost held some kind of relief. He answered so quickly you wondered if he had been waiting for your call.
"Hey-" you started, your voice hesitant, "Did I wake you up ?"
"No, I was just, you know, thinking about stuff," he let out a bitter scoff.
"I know," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.
A silence settled between you, but it just felt right. Listening to each other's breath, both lying in bed late at night, it felt right.
"Do you want to come over ?" you eventually said quietly, "We can think about stuff together."
He took a second before answering, probably thinking about it. You feared he would say no for a second —it would hurt way too much.
"Yeah, of course," he eventually said, a smile showing in his voice.
"I'm waiting then," you held back a sigh of relief as your heart started beating faster.
"Don't fall asleep before I get there."
———
what do you think Jungkook was thinking about ?
hint: i love parallels
YOU ARE READING
broken ghosts
Romance"i have died everyday waiting for you." "i should be the one lying next to you at night."
