My Cure For Depression

Chapter 4 : Who Are You?

The picture is Hugo.

"Some friends don't understand this. They don't understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you're wonderful just the way you are. They don't understand that I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would."

Elizabeth Wurtzel

We 3 turn around to see my brother, Hugo standing at the entrance of the kitchen with his arms crossed on his chest. He was shirtless standing in front of us. I noticed all the tattoos he had. He's body was the definition of perfect. Man I should drooling over him. It's my brother for god sake!

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Hugo clearing his throat. "Well? I'm waiting for an answer?" He says with he's eyes piercing into mine. I faced down immediately, fumbling with my hands. "Rainer?" He turns to him still keeping his posture perfect, his voice perfectly clear no cracking or stuttering. He meant business. No wonder he was so successful.

"Well, your little sister here, doesn't wanna eat," Fury interrupts before Rainer could say anything. "No! You liar! I did eat!" I shout back, my eyes shooting daggers at him. "Shut up both of you!" Hugo says sternly not yelling but I could feel the anger radiating from him. He has the most control over his anger.

"Well, she did eat a bit and she refuses to eat more. She ate a bit of rice, a piece of small chicken and some salad," Rainer says while using his hands to show the portion sizes of what I ate. I wanted so badly to shout at him for ratting me out but I was too scared of Hugo.

Then I hear Hugo's footsteps walking towards me. He gently raises my chin up to face him. He seemed calm but frustrated. "Belle, why are you not eating?" He asks me softly noticing my fear. "I can't force down anymore food. I'm full I promise,"I say while my eyes become glassy.

"You see brother!" I hear Fury shout from the side. Hugo ignored him and takes a few steps back from me. "Belle, I'm gonna ask you one question and you better answer it truthfully," He says standing a few inches away from me. I simply nod but start shaking. I hope they don't notice.

"Why can't you eat anymore when you look so damn skinny?" Hugo asks me slowly raising his volume of him voice at the end of the sentence. I...Shit I have to tell him...But I myself am not sure...I asume I am....

"Hugo I think I became anorexic unintentionally," I say softly facing my head down again disappointed in myself. I'm pretty sure they heard me cause the room became silent.

"Belle dear, go to your room. We'll talk about this later. Meet me at the room two doors on the left away from your room tomorrow morning after breakfast which I probably can't join you all for. And Rainer, Fury don't pressure her to eat, okay? I said do you understand?"Hugo says calm and collectedly.

Rainer and Fury both nod in unison at first but when Hugo stares at them they both said loudly that they understand. I don't understand what's going on here. Why are they so scared of him? Hugo turns his attention back to me. I think he expects my answer too. "I understand brother," I say and walk out of the kitchen straight to my room.

When I reach my room, I shut the door behind me gently to not cause any disturbance to them. I just wanna be invisible. I locked it too. Its too much for me. I ran to my bed and cradled myself in the blanket.

I don't feel anything. I feel empty. I should be happy that my brothers care for me and are willing to take care of me. But I feel so alone even though I'm not. What is this feeling?