My Cure For Depression

Chapter 10 : Takeout

The picture is Damian.

Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it's not a mental complaint-it's a physical thing, like it's physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don't come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people's words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.

Ned Vizzini

How am I suppose to tell him the truth to why I'm scared of the water. The memory hurts so bad. Only my brothers know why I am like this. They know what happen that day. If they weren't there, I wouldn't be here and it's all my fault. My damn carelessness!

"Belle? Please?" He asks me taking a step closer to me. He was towering over my small frame. I looked up to his eyes. He was probably 6 feet something. I was only 5"3. "Tony, its hard to explain,"I say with my lips trembling.

He grabs my hand and leads me to the bed. "Sit here. I'll be right back," He says and walks to the closet. I take a deep breathe. It been years since I mentioned about this. Since that incident happened, no one really mentioned swimming near me.

I sit on the bed, fumbling with the end of my top. Nervous couldn't even describe how I was feeling. I saw Antonio walk back to me and held his hand out to me holding a shirt. I was confused. "You're still in your suit. Aren't you cold?" He asks me. Oh I forgot to change. "Thanks," I said and took the shirt and put it on me. He proceeded to sit beside me and we faced each other.

"Tony, when I was 12, I almost drowned in the ocean," I say bluntly and Antonio's jaw dropped open. "What? How?" He asked in shock. I guese he wasn't expecting that. "Well I was in the water with my brother, Rainer but dad had called him to help with something. He left me alone there. I hadn't realised. Soon enough the ocean waves got bigger and I saw Hugo from a distance yelling at me to come back but when I tried to I couldn't. The waves were strong. There was a storm. Hugo jumped in along with Rainer and they both got to me but I was already dragged under by the current. They manage to pull me out. I was unconscious but they gave me CPR and saved me. After that I hadn't gone in any oceans of water, "I say as a tear threatened to leave my eye.

I felt pathetic for letting fear consume me after such a small thing that can happen to anyone. Lost in my thoughts, I felt Antonio embrace me in a hug but I didn't hug back. I just laid on his chest. "I know what you're thinking. It's not pathetic to be afraid after drowning. People are different. People even fear the smallest things. You are strong if you can at least go near the ocean," He says as he rubs my back, soothing me and it worked. I felt much better.

I pulled away and placed my hand on his. "Thanks for listening, Tony. I hadn't talked about it in years. And it's best if my brothers don't find out about what happened today. They'll flip and I like you too much to see you die," I say giggling. "Aww... I'm touched. But I can't keep it from them. I'll accept the consequences of my actions. And... I apologise for what I did earlier," Antonio says sincerely. I nod and get up from the bed. "Umm... I gotta go change soo I'll catch you later," I say awkwardly ans exit his room. I went to my room and took a nap.

A few days had passed and everything had been the same. I went to beach a few times but never near the water. Olive and I really bonded and Antonio and I became closer. I learned how he's parents died in a car crash and how his brother betrayed him then ran away with his wife. I was very vague revealing my story. I can never be too comfortable with anyone. Enrique and I kept fighting over little things but he also taught me some tech stuff. Most of all in missed my brother. They never called.