Aphmau's POV
The opportunity is huge. Unlikely even. I don't know if it will work, but the thought brings peace to my mind. I love the thought, I want to be with my old friends, I want to be normal. I want this chance, but I'm scared that I will fully die. Even if I did, the bright side is that I wouldn't hurt anyone. Everyone would be safe for me. But the downside, Aaron is going to commit suicide, if he even survives through the breaking bond. And the process I'm assuming is really painful. Would he have to go through that if I technically die through this process? Would he even make it through himself? What if he dies, and I live? Even if I just met him not too long ago, I can't imagine a life without him. My heart beats when he touches me. My heart would beat without him even there. The simple thought saddens me. So I have to ask. "I die through the process, wouldn't you die too?" I asked. Aaron shook his head. "It takes a good 24 hours for that part to kick in," Aaron answered. Well, that solves that problem, but that doesn't mean that he won't commit suicide after. What if I didn't come back? What would he do? There are several ways to try and commit suicide, and one of the worse ones are probably what's gonna have the chance of killing him if vampires are hard to kill. It's gonna be painful, very, very painful. I don't want that for Aaron, I don't want him in pain. But the thought of being free, it was intoxicating. I wanted to be free of the dread. Of eating living things than throwing up straight after. I want to be able to walk around without being stared at or avoided. I want to communicate with others. I want to smile and laugh, be carefree. But the risk... the risk is so big... I couldn't come back, Aaron would go through so much pain, and possibly survive that to go through more pain to try and commit suicide. And who knows how long that would be. The lectures from everyone would drown him. And then there are his friends. They might be sad from their loss of me alone, and then for Aaron to die, it would kill them on the inside. "I felt something wrong when I was little, that must have been when you turned. Based on what I've heard from your mom you have been ripped apart. But for someone to survive until the zombie side took over... is unlikely, but I never felt you die. "So, I honestly don't know if you even died the first time. I have no clue." Aaron shook his head. The thought scares me, did I survive through all that? Somehow? I could have sworn I died. But if what I said is true... and I did somehow survive until the zombie side took over... then I still have that extra life and this would work out. But there's still no guarantee. I could have still used that extra life. The thought was terrifying, but the possibility grew more possible and the taste of freedom was just on a simple choice. But so was death, and not only my death either. My heart wanted to change. But my mind and body were scared for two different reasons. My mind was worried about Aaron. My mind was scared of pain. But for some reason, my heart didn't put those two things together. It wanted this to happen, I wanted this to happen. But the consequences. Oh boy the consequences, it was a big price. What would I even do after? If this did work, what would I be like? What would life be like? What are the cons of having a normal life? What are the pros? What are the pros and cons of taking this risk? What are the pros and cons of keeping this life and virus? There were so many things to think about and so many things to go through. "I need a paper and pencil." I say. Aaron gave a confused look but nodded before he got up to go get what I asked for. I hope he wasn't just bringing one paper. I had a feeling I would do better if I kept each pro and con list on each paper. Instead of cramming it all in one. Plus it's organized better. Aaron luckily returned with a sharpened pencil and a notebook. He handed them to me as I started to write pros and cons on the paper, starting with one thing at a time. The pros and cons of living a normal life... Well... I honestly don't know, I just will have to think and go off of what my friend's lives are like. So cons; I can't get stabbed in the heart and survive, I can get extremely hurt if I go to the doctor's and they figure out who I am they will know I was never human and might kill me anyway. So I could mess up a normal life and put everyone in danger either way. If I get attacked I won't be able to protect myself with such ease anymore. I could die again, and that would be miserable. If I get kicked out I'd just turn into another zombie and I will be back on square one. So many dangers... It's scary. Aaron looks at my list and he sighed. As for now, all I can think about when it comes to construction are that. Being killed and need to find a new way of self-defense and being pulled back to square one. On the pros; I could be free. I'd have a heartbeat, my skin won't ve cold, I could have dreams every night, I could be with Aaron, I could have kids, I could be with friends, worries of hurting others would be mostly gone, being scared of others would be gone, I could eat several kinds of foods, I could try new things, have many new experiences. There were already a lot more pros to that section and I didn't need to go on any further. At that point, it's obvious what the better choice is. So I go to a new page and do the same thing. The pros and cons of taking the risk. I could die, I could get Aaron to commit suicide, Aaron might not even last through the process if I die, he would be in so much pain, everyone would suffer through both of our deaths. The price of another life is too much. It's not okay, but technically I wouldn't make him. If I die and he survives maybe I can somehow convince him to continue on in life. But... If I'm too late... And if I don't die, then everything in the first pros and cons would be a reality. The pros and cons of keeping this life, this virus; I could kill everyone here. I could kill this while town if I'm not careful. Everyone will eventually find out what I am, they will kill Aaron either way, they would kill all my friends. I can't have everyone be death because of my choice. I can't risk everyone's lives like that. So, so far... I'd only risk Aaron's...... As much as I hate to admit... One life being risked is better than all... But Aaron doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve any of this. The stress, the worry, the pain, the torture... None of it. But looking at it now. There are very few pros that go with staying like this. Very few. Sure I might be able to pull off so everyone won't die, but there's no guarantee. It's too big of a risk that way. More so then the first risk I was deciding on. Which leaves me with no choice. Looking at the pros and cons list, I know this choice will be better for everyone. Including me, and possibly Aaron too. As Aaron looked through the list I think he knew my answer. "You think about these things very deeply, don't you?" Aaron asked. "It's the only way to possibly keep everyone safe... I have to." I say. Aaron shook his head. "You have the choice and you don't have to." Aaron said. "I have the choice to risk one life than a thousand." I looked at him. Aaron shook his head. "They can leave, we can leave. We don't have to stay here." Aaron said. "And risk everyone's life out with the zombies? I'm dangerous enough as it is. They don't need a million more on their hands." I say as I shake my head. I could tell Aaron wanted to fight so I would feel as guilty or forced. But he knows I'm right as well. Everyone has a better chance if I take this risk. All but Aaron and I. "And you would be risking two lives if you took the risk. Not just mine. Yours too." Aaron pointed, still trying to help me somehow feel better about this situation. "I'm not alive. I'm already technically dead. I don't count." I say. "I never felt you full-on die, which means you are alive, you just got very ill." Aaron pulled me into a hug. "That's not a guarantee either, you can't promise that I somehow lived." I say. Aaron's lips went thin. "I have a question before we go into this plan..." I stated. Aaron nodded for me to continue. "If I'm your mate, why haven't you kissed me yet?" I asked. Aaron smiled sheepishly. "1, I didn't know if you were ready for it, 2, I got too nervous, 3, I would probably change into a zombie, and 4, you would have blamed yourself for turning me." Aaron stated. I nodded in agreement. Yeah, that's a fair point. "You have no idea how badly I want to." Aaron started staring at my lips causing my cheeks to warm up. Aaron called the doc in and nodded. "Let's get this plan done. We are in." Aaron smiled and here goes nothing.
